Danielle
Supercamp was quite an experience. It is like no matter how many times you might do it, there's just something new to learn...

some of the things i learnt that i hope to remember and practise are:

i. It is good to want to give. But we must also learn to receive. It is good to want to give and serve but if we don't expect to get anything out of our actions, then the experience becomes useless. As in expect yourself to learn about yourself. Use every experience to not just give but to receive learning and grow. Let every experience be a challenge to self.

ii. The one thing that stands between the me now and the best me that i can be is my low self esteem. I've come to learn that the one thing that repetitively stops me from doing the things i love to do or feel driven to do is my low self esteem. Hence, i see a great need to work on that self esteem and start believing in myself again to ensure that i can be the best kind of person i'm meant to be, the kind of person my Father has planned for me.

iii. I seem to have a wall up and unfortunately it is a visible wall and this wall prevents others from approaching me fully. My wall and formalities can rob me of opportunities to touch the lives of others and for others to touch my life. Therefore, i need to make an active effort to bring that wall down. :)

iv. Finally, wise words from a priest, which i think will be the advice of the year is "Keep it open, don't restrict your options."

Merry Christmas everyone!! especially those who helped me and still continue to help me become a better person... Thank you!

Life has been exciting because of you!
Danielle
Two learning curves of the month

a. The desires of my subconscious mind and my conscious mind must be aligned. If I consciously want something but subconsciously don't agree with it, then there will be a struggle and conflict that will most likely produce results according to what I subconsciously want.
My subconscious mind indicates my innermost desires, fears, insecurities. It shows who i am and what i am made of essentially. The conscious mind might try to avoid the painful truth that the subconscious mind offers but it cannot run too far from it because eventually the subconscious mind will prevail.

b. I might be at peace at the idea of it but not necessarily the action of it.
There may be certain things or issues that we inherently agree or disagree with but due to some circumstances, we might end up compromising our principles or what we want out of life. Although we may be okay with the compromise initially because they are still just in the form of idea, but once they start to transform into actions, then we may no longer be at peace at it and that is when it becomes crystal clear to us, the importance of certain principles and how we cannot sacrifice or compromise them.

At the end of the day, I guess, it is about how aware I am to the changes that happens in myself, my mind, my heart and my soul.
Danielle
Today is a very happy day....
i truly mean that....
i'll blog more about it soon...
i must make sure i do....
but for now, be rest assured that i am very very happy....
off to singapore this evening (and no. that is not the reason i am so happy! :))

if i got some of you worried, do not be. It is a journey and phase that is necessary in my life.
without the lows, you don't learn as much and you don't appreciate the highs as much. :)

love everyone of you!

Danielle

It’s like there’s a huge hole in my heart. It’s like somebody is grilling into it or using a knife to scratch the surface. It’s like my heart is being ripped apart.

I never knew I could feel like this.

When I first read ‘New Moon’, I completely hated it. I couldn't stand the sight of a girl so weak and so pathetic that she isn’t able to move on. I hated her misery. I couldn’t relate to it.

Today, I know exactly what she means. Today, I know exactly how it feels to want to scream out all the pain. I want to scream it all out. They say, if you are angry, you have to let it out. I wonder if you can let your pain out. Is there ways to bring pain out of your soul? Does screaming it out really take away the pain or does it simply give you a temporary illusion that you’ve worked past it? Whatever it is, it’s killing some of my days.

I want to work past this but very often I fail. It is as though I am so perplexed at the reality, that I cannot grasp it.

I do not understand how I could see so much of something when the other saw absolutely nothing. I do not understand how I was deluded enough to think that this was more than friendship when to the other, it was nothing but friendship. There must be something inherently and deeply wrong with me. To see things that do not exist. Am I really that deluded? If I really am, how do I come out of it?