It’s like there’s a huge hole in my heart. It’s like somebody is grilling into it or using a knife to scratch the surface. It’s like my heart is being ripped apart.

I never knew I could feel like this.

When I first read ‘New Moon’, I completely hated it. I couldn't stand the sight of a girl so weak and so pathetic that she isn’t able to move on. I hated her misery. I couldn’t relate to it.

Today, I know exactly what she means. Today, I know exactly how it feels to want to scream out all the pain. I want to scream it all out. They say, if you are angry, you have to let it out. I wonder if you can let your pain out. Is there ways to bring pain out of your soul? Does screaming it out really take away the pain or does it simply give you a temporary illusion that you’ve worked past it? Whatever it is, it’s killing some of my days.

I want to work past this but very often I fail. It is as though I am so perplexed at the reality, that I cannot grasp it.

I do not understand how I could see so much of something when the other saw absolutely nothing. I do not understand how I was deluded enough to think that this was more than friendship when to the other, it was nothing but friendship. There must be something inherently and deeply wrong with me. To see things that do not exist. Am I really that deluded? If I really am, how do I come out of it?