Remember the people you shared a special connection with and believed could have developed into a special friendship or relationship, if it wasn’t the fact that your chances of encounter with him/her aren’t many, or he/she is seeing someone already, or you are too afraid of losing the friendship you share, that you put aside what you feel?

And even after years have passed by, you still, sometimes think of that special person, those moments you shared, those feeling you felt, and you wonder about the what ifs…

Ever felt that urge to just call him/her after such a long time, and tell him/her you missed him/her company, the sound of his/her voice, the little jokes you shared, the conversations you had, the hugs, the words, the eyes that spoke, and the mutual connection you shared? But never found the courage to do it because you were afraid that he/she didn’t miss you as much as you did, that you might be only a part from his/her past that means nothing much to him/her now, because you were afraid that he/she has moved on with life and from you, because you were afraid of looking like a total fool.

So, that night, I lay awake on my bed, unable to sleep. I have my finals next week, I haven’t been studying as well as I should, and yet it wasn’t these that kept me awake that night. I couldn’t sleep because I kept thinking about him and those special moments. They were like flashbacks from a movie that kept popping in my head. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t do anything, because I wanted so badly to see him or hear from him one more time. I couldn’t sleep because I kept thinking about the what ifs. I couldn’t breathe because I missed him and I couldn’t tell him that I did.

And foolishly, this is as far as I am going to get. I woke up and wrote it all down, hoping that if I took it out from my head, sorry, heart, then maybe I’ll be able to sleep. I stared thoughtfully at my screen, as I re-felt all those emotions, and remembered all those conversations and pondered about all those questions…

I miss his smile and his voice. I miss the way he stared at me. I missed the times I caught him staring intently at me, when he was suppose to be listening to the speaker. I missed his company, his big ideas, his belief in me. I missed the look on his eyes that seem to be saying something. I missed the uncertainty I felt around him. I missed listening to his views and sharing mine. I missed the warmth of his soul. I missed that night we danced, and the moment we shared. I missed waking him up in the morning and seeing the look on his face. I missed him.

I hate that he was already seeing someone. I hate the fact I pretended I felt nothing. I hate it that he felt that I was way out of his league. I hate that he thought I never would have given him a second thought. I hate that I couldn’t tell him I missed him as much I did. I hate not being able to see him anymore. I hate not having the courage to say, ‘Hey, I miss you…. a lot… and I continue to wonder about ‘us’. So, if you’re not seeing anyone right now, give me a call’ because I’m afraid of the rejection, of the awkwardness and embarrassment.

I wish ‘we’ had a chance to happen. I wish you didn’t think that I was way out of your league, I wish that you missed me as much as I did, I wish for so many…..

But right now, I just wish for one thing..

I wish for just a day with you,

where we can dance,

and share,

and spend time talking

without having to use words…

I just wish for that moment,

Just one more time,

With you…..