Along the way in life, sometimes, some of us may infer that perhaps that void is to be filled by personal achievements or accomplishments. Perhaps we think that if we do something ‘GREAT’ with our lives, if we achieve excellence, then we will be fulfilled and the void will no longer be there. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to make something better or great out of our lives, there is nothing wrong with wanting to achieve excellence. However, when we think that these achievements are the end that we’re working towards, the end that will fill up the void in us, then we are setting ourselves up for a disappointment. It will not take much time till we soon realise that these elements do not fill the void that seem to be present in us. Such a result may frustrate us, that after all the effort we’ve put into achieving excellence, the void is still there, present as it was before. That after all the hard work and dedication, after all the achieving and accomplishing, we come to see that these did not fill up the void.

Some of us may give up and decide to do with life whatever we please, as we do not seem to be able to find the answer to fill that void. So, we may end up chasing the quick temporary gratifications and pleasures, that help us forget the presence of that yearning and void. But only for a short moment. Once the effects of these pleasure wear off, we begin searching for another quick temporary gratification that would help us forget that thirst (temporarily).

Some of us, on the other hand, do not give up, but begin identifying other elements as possible answers to fulfilling that void. In many instances, we conclude that perhaps the presence of a person of the opposite sex as a life partner would be the answer to this void. So, we invest all we have in finding this person. Once we’ve found this person, we invest all our energy and commitment to nurturing this relationship to a point of marriage. In marriage, we give all that we have to this commitment that we believe would fill the void within us. And once again, there is nothing wrong with wanting to invest in relationships, be it friendship, or exclusive relationship between man and woman. There is nothing wrong in giving all that we have to nurture that relationship/marriage. The danger is when these relationship become the end we’re working towards in our lives, because we believed that they would fulfil the void in us. Deeper into our marriage or relationship, we come to realise that this person does NOT fill that void within us.

After this experience, some may give up on investing in relationships all together, whereas some may conclude that they haven’t found the ‘right’ person. That previous partner was the ‘wrong’ person and so we begin searching once again for this seemingly ‘right’ person. It is this perception that has lead to the crazy number of divorces occurring now. This misconstrued perception that the void is to be filled by another man or woman leads us on a frantic search of this one person, who we seem never to find. Then, we give up the belief that we are created to be with one person who will be with us until the end of time exists. We conclude that such a belief is too ideal, unrealistic and a myth. So, we choose to simply live on a day-to-day basis. We resort to subjectivity. We make a choice to love another. We come to a conscious conclusion that although, a person may seem to be the right person for us today, tomorrow, it may not be so anymore and we are prepared to face that. We programme into our minds that we are free to move on to another, when the time comes. The tragic thing is, the more we move around from a man to a man, or from a woman to a woman, the more hopeless and empty we feel. The more evident the void becomes, the more unfulfilled we are.

Perhaps, what may help is to begin by finding the courage to truly describe and understand what the desire within us is yearning for. What is the void really telling me? What am I yearning for? What am I searching for?

I see in me a strong deep desire that yearns for an eternal, pure relationship that persists against time. I yearn for a relationship that is filled with all goodness. I yearn for a love that is unconditional, one that is not dependent on my ‘performance’ or on ‘what I can offer’ but a love that exists by choice, regardless of the circumstances or my conditions. What an ideal and maybe even an unfair desire. Am I able to reciprocate such love with equality? No. Although unable to love another in the same way, I desire to be loved in that way.

Perhaps that itself gives me so much answer already. Perhaps, I was too blind to recognise the answer that was almost shouting out to me, wanting to answer me.

Who can love me in such a way, though I will not be able to love him equally? Who will be able to love me with the goodness and perfection that I desire for, for eternity? Who will be able to fulfil that void in my heart when the heart is yearning for perfection? Who is perfect?

……………………………………………………………………

The Divine Lover. God. The Creator. The Unconditional Lover. The Perfect Being. The Alpha and the Omega. The Complete, Whole, Perfect One.

Who but God?

It is this realisation that the body, mind and spirit is screaming for. That the yearning is actually for God. Not for achievement, excellence, status, nor for a human-life partner. All these merely points us towards our greater desire for God. All these merely points us towards our true vocation and destination, which is to walk towards God and to be with Him at the end of times. The desire is for the one who created us, to whom our lives (body, mind and spirit) will forever be intrinsically and extrinsically intertwined. That the void within us, is a reminder that we were created for SO MUCH MORE. That we were created for God.

The more we hide ourselves from God, or the more we deny our relations with God, the further away from the answer we seem to go.

I find it fascinating that it is easier for us to think or believe that our lives are intertwined with another human person, worse still with lifeless elements such as accomplishments, wealth, status etc and yet so difficult to believe that our lives are intertwined with the Divine Being that breathed life into our very souls, our Creator. I find it weird that according to our so-called logical mind, The Being that created us, giving us a part of Him, cannot be the one to fill that void in us, but another human person, or other elements can. Beats me. Really.

Food for thought (From the commentary from the Christian Community Bible)

The child becomes an adult when he gives up his unlimited wishes and accepts the limitations of reality. God sends us back to childhood when he stirs up within us infinite desires. “Let it be done to you as you have asked”, that is what you were able to desire and hope for and believe.

Desire is the way God prepares us for the great things he wants to give. It is our first consciousness of his work within us. Desires that are like the seeds of the parable. Many are sown that soon vanish, or we ourselves cut off their wings: “This is not for me. It is enough and safer to imitate the common persons.” Yes, it is safer to live with the limited desires, because desire can develop into thirst.

Many experience thirst for God but few are those who can bear it. We call it boredom, incapacity to share social life, and the remedy that people of goodwill usually offer to us is to plunge again into activity and or in other words, to love the world.

Better keep your thirst and let it grow and reject any satisfaction that is any less than the infinite of God. The time is coming when it will be said: “Let him approach”.

There were many times that even in the midst of busy and chaotic errands, I could still be filled with boredom.

Today, I come to see that boredom, my dear friends, indicates the heart’s yearning and the mind’s understanding that we were created for so much more than this. We were created for God. We were created to be in perfect union with God. It is for this moment that the heart yearns for.

The succeeding question would then be, “Now, that I’ve acknowledged God as the deepest desire of my soul, as the one that the void in my heart yearns to filled by, what do I do next?”

The answer to that question for me,

I follow him. I leave everything (my fears, my pains, my insecurities, my worries, my doubt etc. whatever that stands between God and myself) behind and follow him.