He said again, ‘1,2,3, Jump!’ I looked at him and was almost pleading, ‘I don’t know how to jump. How do I jump? Can you just push me?’ He looked at me and said, ‘I can’t push you. It’s your choice to jump.’ ‘Okay, I don’t know how to jump, but I’m going to do what I can.’ It may have seemed that I was trying to climb down the edge. And then, I fell. I screamed my lungs out. I was falling down. I could see the world, everything was upside down. My screaming ceased and then, I was just enjoying the fall. I hit the water and then I got pulled back up. And then I fell again. Got pulled back up again. This repeated a few times before it stopped. Then I was just hanging there, upside down, with only a string holding my leg. A man, came to me in a boat, smiled at me, and asked, ‘Are you ok?’

I felt this great deep sense of joy and peace in my heart. I was hanging upside down and smiling my heart out. I couldn’t speak but I was overwhelmed with love and joy. I just smiled, all the way through after that. That was my bungee jumping experience. My first ever bungee jumping. I’ve always wanted to bungee jump but I never thought Malaysia will ever have it. When Sunway Lagoon had it, I knew I had to do it.

It was more than simply adrenaline rush. It was about the freedom that comes when we break free from of all the insecurities and just trust. As I was standing at the edge, I did consider backing out, justifying my decision to be logical and rational. As I was falling, I did consider the safety gear snapping, and me heading towards death. As I was hanging upside down for the man to come and get me, I did wonder if the rope will snap and I will fall and drown to death. I did consider all these possibilities. I thought of all the things that can go awfully wrong but at the end of the day, I just left it to God. I just said, ‘Lord, I trust you. Let’s just rock this.’ And the outcome: perfection and a breath of fresh air. It was liberating, joyful, and centred. I can’t quite put them in words that would do it justice.

The experience reminded me of what Brian Butler shared about the difference in his two children. There was the elder daughter who trusted the father, confident that the father will catch her when he throws her up. She enjoyed herself. As the father threw her up into the sky, she would attempt different poses, stretching out. She was not afraid to take risks and push boundaries, broke free from inhibitions and discovered new talents and opportunities. Then, there was the younger son, who feared that the father will drop him as he throws him up. He experienced the other end of the bargain. He clenched himself and pulled himself together as a 'safety precaution'. As a result, he was unable to try anything new, was fearful and did not enjoy the throw. Neither has he yet to explore the many possibilities stored in himself.

Simply put, the fruit of trust in God, especially in situations in which a clear positive outcome cannot be seen, in situations where the risk seems too big, in situations where things may no longer be in our control, would be ultimate liberation, joy, freedom and growth in faith in God as we come to discover that there is no way on heaven or earth that He will not catch you. All we need to do is invite Him into our lives.

And the fruit of distrust in God, is a lethargic life lived with insecurities and fear, a life of routine in which we exert our full control over all parameters accessible to us, failing to grow in faith as we do not give ourselves a chance to experience God’s power and grace, a life in which we fail to discover the many hidden potential and possibilities in our lives, which God is offering us.

Thank You God for being active and present in my life. Thank You for experiences that show me time and again that You are real and involved and the most Beautiful thing that has happened in my life.

Food for thought:

2 Cor 12:9: My grace is enough for you. For my power is made perfect in your weakness.
Freedom comes not with the ability to control the parameters present in our lives, but in the ability to let go of the grasp and let God lead.

There's only one thing to lose when we step out in faith... our insecurities...

And so we try very hard to pursue these subjects, believing that they will fill up the void. When it doesn’t, then we conclude that, perhaps we picked the wrong subject, and we move on to the next one, convinced that this time, this subject will give us the fulfilment we desire or are looking for.

I find it interesting that it is easier to believe that our lives may be intertwined with a another human person, who will supposedly make us whole, complete us, be the other half, that he/she may have been predestined for us, but yet so much harder to believe that the God who created us in His image and likeness, the God who breathed life into us would have an intricate relationship with us at the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level.

For those of us who have read the Harry Potter series, we may remember that Voldemort split his life into different Horcruxes and to these Horcruxes he was intrinsically and extrinsically related. That when one of his horcruxes dies, a part of his soul dies too.

Imagine then, how our relationship with God, the Creator would be. Even without confining God to a physical entity, the simple fact that our lives come from God, would indicate a great intrinsic and extrinsic relationship with Him, a relationship, which human wisdom or understanding cannot fully explain. To confine or limit the understanding of The Truth to human mind, would then be foolishness and ignorance.

As my life comes from my Creator, the creation of my being comes from Him, then how much more will my spirit be intrinsically and extrinsically related to Him? It seems almost impossible for me not to acknowledge that the void within me, is then, the longing and desire for the other half, the one to whom my life is intertwined with from the beginning, My God and Creator.

Recently, my mind was opened to a beautiful Truth through TOB. That my desire to love a man, or even just a person in general, is actually God calling me to love Him. Let me try to explain.

God loves us. However, as humans, we find that very hard to grasp simply because God’s love is not a visible element. And so, God creates man for woman, and woman for man, so that the invisible form of His love can be made visible.

And so, God in His loving kindness came to see our limitations, and in return, made it possible for us to see His love through another.

So, woman sees man, is attracted to man. But what actually attracts woman to man, is the god-likeness and the presence of God shining through man, calling woman to man. And this applies vice versa.

God is the divine attraction behind every human person. It is His presence in that person that invites us to him (or Him). Attraction is the commitment to think of a person as something good. And so, the attraction towards the individual is towards the good we see in him/her. Since God is the source of all good, then we are attracted to God through that person, and not to the person alone. God’s light, purity, and love shines through the person inviting me to love God through him (the person). I don’t see God, neither do I see the physical action of His love, but the presence of another human, the opportunity to love him/her makes the invisible love of God visible to my limited vision.

It overwhelms me that God makes such channels possible so, that I may better see, grasp and in return accept His love for me. And in return I love Him through the people around me. When I just dwell on that Truth, I am filled with love and awe for the One who made me. And I am determined to love Him, to the best of my abilities.

Sometimes, we think so hard about God's purpose in our lives. Sometimes, it is that simple. To love and to receive Love. To love God through those around me, and in return allow God to love me, through those around me, and through His direct presence.

Perhaps, when we truly grasp this, then we will treat those around us, with the kind of Love and Respect, we would actually treat God with. Perhaps when we truly grasp this, then we will be reminded of our true purpose and destination, that our peace, belonging, completion lies in God, and not in mere human. Perhaps, when we truly grasp this, we will understand that although God calls us to love Man, above that, He calls us to love Him through that Man, another creation, the another part of the Body of Christ.