So, I was out with Tobias and Simon, helping them settle their Mother’s Day gifts. We were in Midvalley, and as we finished so early, and I wasn’t ready to leave so early, I suggested to them that we visit Borders in The Gardens and boy, am I glad we did.
As we entered, my eyes caught the sight of a thin book with a classic interesting cover, entitled One hour to live, One hour to love by Richard and Kristine Carlson. Just to quench my curiousity, I turned the book over to read the synopsis at the back cover and I was so taken back by what I was reading.
Well, first and foremost, it is not a fiction. It was a book that contained the letter Richard Carlson, the famous author, wrote to his wife on their 18th anniversary, 3 years before his unexpected death due to pulmonary embolism during a flight. His letter is the one hour to live part of the book. Kristine Carson’s response to him after his demise is the one hour to love part of the book.
As I sat at the couch prepared for people like me who intend to finish reading the book without any intentions to purchase them, I unabashedly started reading the book. And gosh, I was trying hard to hold my tears back as I read the book.
In his letter to his wife, he said that if he had one hour to live, he would call his wife and spent his time with his wife and children.
So, there I was reflecting and wondering, who would I call, what would I say if I had only an hour to live.
If I had only an hour to live,
I would call my parents and tell them how much I appreciate every little thing they have done for me and how their unconditional love continues to blow me away. I would tell them they were perfect parents and I am blessed and I know I can never find better. I would tell them I love them and that they mean the world to me.
As I thought of the things I would tell my parents in my last hour to live, I was grateful that I have told them all of these already. I just did it on the first day of the year 2009. I wrote them a letter telling them almost exactly as mentioned above and more and I was so glad that I did.
Next, I would tell simmei, how grateful I am for her. I would tell her, how she’s the one person, apart from God, that I trust my thoughts and opinions with. That even though I may pale in comparison to some of the great, good things she is, I would still hold on to her because she means so much to me. I would tell her that those long talks that we had, those makan trips, the working on YV together and the many times she understood and accepted me when not many could have, I appreciate it more than my life. And that I would do anything I could to preserve and hold on to what we have. And if you’re reading this, then I’m telling you that now because I don’t think I want to wait for my final hour to live to say all these.
I would tell Gayathri Devi that I love her. I love her for supporting me and loving me like family. I’m so happy that she’s happy and that she has taught me more than she knows. I would tell her I enjoy the witty conversations we had, that I’ll forever remember the many conversations we had. I am so grateful for the time she was there for me when I was broken and hurt during my second year and how she still tried to be there when I was broken again in my final year. I am truly appreciative for your neverending love and support and I really don’t know if I have reciprocated it equally.
(Gosh, i really hope i don't regret being too honest and saying this and answering to challenges. :P)
I would tell him that he is special to me and I love the many things that we did together. And If it really was my final hour to live, I’d grit my teeth and put away my pride and tell him that I love him for reasons I’ll never understand. That the only reason I held on despite the rejection was because Christ taught me only to love in one way, which is unconditionally, and patiently. To love where what’s good for him will always be more important than what’s good for me or what I want. That I hold on because I believe in certain things that he is yet to understand or see. I would tell him that despite his weaknesses, I admire his strength, loyalty and care he has for the people he care for. I would tell him that he is capable of doing so much more and that I know that he knows that. I would tell him that I trust Christ with us, and that what is planned will happen however it is suppose to happen. If you are reading this, then stop floating and come back down to earth.
And my final minutes on earth, I would spend it with Him, who means the most to me, my first spouse, the reason I smile as I sleep, the reason my life is meaningful and perfect in so many ways, the one person who loved me despite my shortcomings and failings, who made me perfect. I would tell Him that I’ve looked forward to this day, where I get to fulfil my promise to spend my life completely and fully with Him after the end of my earthly days. I would tell him I am so grateful for such an amazing life, and that I am even more grateful that He was there with me through it all. And I’ll breathe my last, on earth and start anew in Heaven. Woo-hoo!!!!
No, I’m not tearing as I write this. I am smiling. I am not writing this because I am experiencing PMS (or am I? Hmmm....), not because I am feeling emo...
I write this because I agree with Richard Carlson that, I should live my life as if it was my last hour to live. And I wanted to challenge myself to say these things and didn’t want to wait till my final hour on earth to start living.
I am happy. Very.
Of course, there are so many more people who deserve to be in this entry. But then, it would be too long a post, and you guys wouldn’t really finish reading it anyway. So, I picked the people most significant in my life right now.
Thank you for being a part of my life.
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It works both ways, dear Feli.
Trust me when I say that eventhough we've really known each other for a little under 3 years; you're one of my dearest and closest friend.
One that I feel, understands me the most.
One that I'd run to first, to share my thoughts, my tears, my feelings, my fears, my doubts.
I'm still leaving my diaries to you, when I die; ya know. Laugh with me at my silliness, marvel with me at the sparks of brilliance (if I may say so myself. Haha)
And don't be freaked at the intermittent morbidity and darkness.
I'm only human. =P
I'll be seeing you reaaaaaaal soon. On your journey to become a Dr.
Heh heh.
Love ya lots!!!!