Danielle
Some may not understand what I mean by this but I believe that it’s easier for a girl to look hip, hot and happening than to look herself.I mean, right now, in this present time, there’s almost a clear definition of how a desirable girl looks like. Follow the recipe and you’ll find yourself landing the attention of many.
Just ensure you switch your glasses for contacts, get your hair straightened and then cut or style it in the latest trend, follow the latest fashion trends, wear hot heels/stilettos/pumps and walk the walk.Do all or most of the above, and I promise you that you will have many showing you their undivided attention.
Honestly, I wish all that I said above wasn’t true. Unfortunately, it is. And I got to witness and experience it for myself.Some may have known, that I switched my glasses for contacts. So, I’ve been wearing contacts and all of a sudden, I have many people giving me second looks, checking me out, complimenting me saying how pretty I look, asking if I’ve found someone and if he’s the reason behind my changes.
Even the canteen guy gives me more food because ‘I am so pretty now’. I receive good services from every restaurant that I go to. Cashiers, waiters smile at me as they take my order or get my bill. People treat me differently now.
Now, a girl should be flattered with such attention. But I, I am far from flattered. I feel rather disgusted that one can only notice beauty as defined by the media. And people treat you differently based on whether you are pretty or not. It’s depressing and disturbing.
It seems to me, beauty can only be recognised if you fit the criteria. Shit. There are criteria for looking beautiful and everyone is measured using the same criteria.
You know, what’s even worse is I get many people telling me how more chic, hot, happening and beautiful I’d look if I straightened my hair.
It’s as if there’s a checklist for defining beautiful girls. The more ticks you’ve got on your checklist, the more ‘beautiful’ others view you as.
When I look at myself in the mirror, I see the same person, with or without glasses. I see the same beautiful person. And yet, others only seem to recognise the beauty if I had contacts on, instead of glasses.
The truth is, it’s so much easier to just wear contacts all the time, get my hair straightened and look like the hottest chick ever, and win the attention and favour of many around me. It’s easier.
What’s difficult is to be me, glasses or contacts, to just be me. What’s difficult is to be me, knowing that people will treat me differently if I had glasses on instead of contacts.
If this is how I feel, I cannot imagine how many others who do not fit the ‘beauty’ criteria feel as they are treated differently based on how they look.
People need to learn to see the real beauty everyone has. People need to stop giving themselves excuses to define others using standards. People need to stop judging others by things superficial. People need to grow up and understand what life is really about. People need to stop giving themselves excuses saying, it’s biological, it’s innate. It’s not. It’s stupid.
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Danielle
Thoughts from watching “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”If you could erase someone or something from your memory, would you do it? Think about it, about your life, what would you erase from your memory? Can you think of a painful experience you wished you never went through? If there was a possibility of erasing that memory, would you do it?
That really got me thinking...
I have a beautiful life. It is more than perfect. It is more than anything I could dream of. But I dare not say, it has always been this way. I remember clearly the times or moments in life that wasn’t so pretty, moments in life when I was broken, lost, without hope, in pain, confused, searching, hurt.
To come to think about it, would I erase those memories if I could?
Would you want to erase the memory of a failed friendship or relationship?
Would you want to erase the memory of losing someone?
Would you want to erase the memory of someone who hurt you?
If we do not give it too much thought, the answer would be obvious. Why not? Why not erase memories that only remind us of pain and trauma?
Truth is, I am so glad nothing of that sort happened. I am so glad I erased no one from my memory. I am so glad that such technology is not legally available or is accessible right now. I am glad I remember everyone and everything, even those who may have caused me hurt. We can only be hurt by those that we love. Those that we do not love do not possess the power or privilege to hurt us. So, if we erased someone who hurt us from our memory, then we erased someone we love.
Note how I didn’t use the past tense. Someone we love and not someone we loved.
To me, love is not a feeling or an emotion. Love is a capability. It is a decision. It is an action. We fall in love because we want to, because we can. And when we no longer are on the same page, or we have somehow developed some dislike to some characteristics of the person we love, it does not mean, we no longer love that someone. We might dislike some things they do but we cannot, not love them.
Couples who break up, they don’t stop loving each other. The only thing that changes is the way they love each other. It may no longer be in a romantic manner, but they would still love each other. If one can say they no longer love their ex, then, to me, they never loved their ex in the first place.
Everyone is precious in our life, everyone has a role, everyone teach us something about ourselves. Everyone contributes to how we grow. Everyone. No one is worth erasing from our memory.
I thank God for people who have made me cry, for people who gave me sleepless nights, for people who made me angry and upset, for people who caused me pain. I thank God for all of them, but above of all that, I thank God for giving me the ability to remember them, and most importantly, the ability to appreciate them and to continue loving them. They define who I am today. Thank you for being a part of me. I would never have it any other way. p.s For your information, there are preliminary researches reporting the ability to erase bad memories selectively. Not kidding. it's only a matter of time, before they get approved and are made available to public.
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Danielle
After a day conference enlightening me and challenging me about my own prejudices and stereotypes about other people, I was determined to avoid it and work my way to ensuring I move out of my own weaknesses.So, there I was, lying on my bed on a Sunday afternoon, (after a 4-hour nap that is. Oh, c’mon, what are Sundays for, right?), watching a movie I’ve never heard about, The College Road Trip. Well, internet connection in the college was down which meant there was nothing much I can do, really. I have assignments due but without the connection I can’t exactly do any research before I start writing. So, I decided to try to learn something while having fun with a movie. Movies have a lot to teach you, really, apart from entertaining you.The College Road Trip was movie about a overprotective father (who happens to be chief police officer, leading us to believe that may be the root cause of his overprotectiveness) who was unable to let his daughter make her own decisions about college applications and his inability to let her out of his sight because he wanted to ensure she is protected.
Well, the movie was normal, covering all the typical issue surrounding the father-daughter relationship. However, what struck my interest or attention rather was the stereotypes I noticed in the movie.
The stereotypes about the typical African American family, and how they roll. The dynamics of the African American family.
Then, there was the stereotypes about the typical American family. The truth is, this stereotype was so evident, it was disturbing. The perfect American family was portrayed to be geeky family with an over-excited, deluded father, a perfect mother who says Yes and supports her husband through everything and a daughter who’s smart, nerdy and so excited about everything that she doesn’t seem to see how she’s frightening everyone. Oh, and they are a musical family. I mean, they are literally a musical family who sings classics and happy songs whereas the African American family is more into rap and hip-hop.
See what I mean.
Even High School Musical, which I really enjoyed watching due to its positive energy, was contradictory and stereotypical in its own way. Although the movie promotes people to dare to be different and to be original and themselves, many of its characters are so stereotypically portrayed.
Sharpay, the fashionable bimbo, control freak?
Troy, the handsome jock, who’s loved by all?
Gabriella, the sweet perfect smile, pretty smart girl, beauty with brains?
Chelsy, the nerdy music composer?
I mean, I found it funny that while promoting originality, HSM seems to have fallen into their own DON’Ts. Every character had so much of stereotypes in them, I don’t know how not to feel sad, actually.
Even Troy’s best friend, the hot and only male African American in the show who ended up dating the only female African American in the show is portraying another stereotype where African Americans only date African Americans, or worse still if it is saying that African Americans SHOULD only date African Americans.
When such a powerful and influential media feeds so much of stereotypes, I can only imagine the amount of stereotypes it’s breeding in especially the young minds (yes, like you and me).
Stereotypes breed stereotypes. What’s worse is the fact that these stereotypes are fed subconsciously which means that they are affecting us in a deep level and we are not even aware of it.
My mind and yours are being moulded with stereotypes about people around us and we don’t even know. That is FREAKY!!!
Malaysians have their own stereotypes about the people around us.
Stereotypes about how Indians are...
Stereotypes about how the Malays function...
Stereotypes about how the Chinese excel...
Stereotypes about how a girl should be...
Stereotypes about the perfect Indian girl, about the perfect Chinese girl, about the perfect Malay girl...
Stereotypes about how a boy should be...Stereotypes, stereotypes, stereotypes...It seems to me, that our lives are really (and I am not exaggerating) ruled by stereotypes.I know it will be a challenge to come out of it. To stop trying to meet up to the standards of stereotypes when it revolves ourselves, to stop trying to judge others based on the stereotypes we know.
It will be difficult.
But why should we stop trying just because it’s difficult?
Well, if you think I have some truth in what I write, then I do very much hope, sincerely, that we will take it as a challenge and move out of our very own stereotypes.
There’s nothing positive about stereotypes. Oh, sorry, let me rephrase that. There is NO positive stereotypes. All stereotypes are negative.
So, do something and as Obama said repeatedly, YES, WE CAN!!
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Danielle
I avoid writing about God too much in my blog posts as some readers found it “preachy”. I stopped writing about Him (directly) not because I was trying to please the crowd or because I was afraid. I just felt that if readers cannot relate to your issues, then it is up to me to find a way to present my ideas in ways that they can understand. In other words, there are many ways to talk about Him and it is not necessarily only through direct mentioning of His name. Atleast this is what I believe.However,
I must say it would be unfair and rather unrealistic and difficult for me to avoid talking about someone who is so dear to me and who is a big part of my life.
I am who I am because of Him.
He journeyed with me throughout my life, revealing to me truths and wisdom beyond my human comprehension or capabilities. I cannot come up with the ideas that I have on my own. I cannot understand so many incidences in life without His guidance.
In Him, I move, breathe and live.And in me, He moves, breathes and lives.
How do I say no to someone who offers me love beyond anything imaginable. I love the way I do because He loved the way He did.
The person I am today, however good, however patient, however lovable, however optimist, however believing, however giving, however receiving, however forgiving is because of Him.
And for that I give Him the little that I can, myself, my life.
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