What would you do when you think that your biggest problem or your weakness is that you’re just too good…

I don’t know what I need to do. Please, dun start laughing, thinking that this is some kinda joke where I boast about myself.. it is not.

I’ve been thinking about it….

And it got me sad initially, then it got me annoyed, now, it got me sad again.

I’ve never thought it could be a problem, but now….i’m not that sure anymore…

Ever heard of the term ‘you’re just too good for me’? I have.

Once, when I met up with some old friends, they asked if I was still single, when I told them that I was, they couldn’t believe it and wanted to figure out why…

Their final conclusion: You’re just way too good for anyone…

When I fist heard it, I didn’t know what to make out of it. I’m too good for someone….What do you do when someone tells you that? Am I suppose to try to be less good? How do I do that? Lose my temper more? Stop being too responsible towards family, friends and society? Be mean and appreciate outer beauty more than inner beauty? Flirt more? I really don’t know…

The more I thought about it, the more ridiculous it felt. To not be good enough for someone because I’m too good for them it’s the worse feeling ever because I do not how to react. Eventually, I concluded that it was ridiculous and I couldn’t abide by it. By far, it is the most ridiculous reason for someone to not be loved, cuz they were too good anyone.

But when your friends feel like you’re too good for them and that it is difficult to live up to your standards, that you’re too good that they have to constantly live in your shadows…I cannot but feel the utmost pain… Pain because I have caused people that I care for and love to live under a shadow, whatmore under mine… All I wish for my friends and family is that they see themselves to be as beautiful and amazing as I see them to be. However, despite what you want, what you get at the end of the day, might be friends whose confidence is waned due to my own strengths or characteristics. I do not how to explain further.

Growing up, sister hated me because I was given the opportunity to skip a year of primary school, where I went from Std 3 directly to Std 5, which meant that I was in the same year as she was. Performing better than she did, got me a lot of attention, and got her a lot of questions. People concluded that she couldn’t do well, because she was plain lazy. When I was that young, that was I thought too, but not anymore… Different people have different intellectual capacity and that does not make them stupid, they can excel in areas that I most probably will suck at. But being a 12-year-old, it wasn’t easy having me as a sister. As we got older, she didn’t hate me anymore, we were friends but I knew deep down she still felt inferior to me, especially amongst relatives and outsiders. And I would try my best to make her understand that she’s got other talents. Have I succeeded in that? That’s still a question mark.

Then, the guy I felt in love with, felt I was too good for him. To him, I was beautiful inside out, got all the right personality and character but just too good for him. I was so good, that he didn’t have the heart to tell me that he didn’t love directly. Rather, he did things to take his guilt away and avoid hurting me but eventually he ended up leading me on and blindsiding me into believing he loved me to. I was so good to him that he couldn’t bare to tell me the truth, not even when he got himself a girlfriend. I was so good that he couldn’t tell me even that.

And now….

A good friend who has found it difficult to live under my shadows… who found it difficult to live up to my standards… Something I never saw coming because in my eyes, she’s great, she’s smart, she’s beautiful, and funny, and super nice… But someone so perfect feels like they’ve been living in my shadows, then I cannot help but feel hurt and disappointed with myself. Because I have caused her to feel insufficient around me. Something, I never wanted anyone to feel, whatmore, someone I truly care about.

I am proud to be part of uncool crowd, so that non-popular, non-conventional people still feel accepted around me…but when even your close friends find it hard to be your friend, then it raises questions….

Questions that I have yet to answer…