This will be my scariest blog post…EVER.
So, please don't continue reading it, if it's too much for you to take.

Initially, I thought that I wouldn’t and shouldn’t blog about this because I know I am going to freak people out…

But I decided to post anyway because the feeling doesn’t want to go away until I put it down…

People often avoid this topic. They feel that talking about it or thinking about it is like inviting it over. I’m talking about DEATH.

Some friends have heard me say that I want to die early. Some have heard me say that I want a tragic death.

Honestly, I’ve always wanted to die young and tragic because that way I would have lived my life to the best in a short period of time, still managing to touch lives and a tragic death would mean I will be remembered. I also wanted to die young because I knew I wouldn’t be able to bear to see my parents die. I love them too much. It would break me and my world to have witness these two people leave me. And a life without them would be unbearable for me.

But then, I changed my mind. After that, I didn’t want to die young because I felt I was being selfish. If I couldn’t bear seeing my parents die young, what more my parents seeing me die, even younger. I know if anything like that happens, it would break them completely, to the extent they wouldn’t be able to move on with life. Everyday without me would be a nightmare, because I know they’ll remember me and then, my death all the time. From then on, I stopped wishing early death. I don’t mind dying young, but only after my parents have left the world, to make sure I do not cause them misery in anyway.

But lately, I’ve been getting this strange, strong feeling… An ominous feeling… I feel that I am meant to die young. I feel that everything that has happened to me, the many gifts that God gave me, no matter how undeserving I was, the many things he thought me, the many friends he gave, the beautiful memories he blessed me with, so many gifts were given to me at such a young age because He knew that’s all the time I have in the world. I can compare myself with anyone my age and without a doubt, I know I have been blessed in the craziest ways. My life has been complete and beautiful, although I am only 20.

I have gifts that many people my age don’t have, I’ve been through experiences that many people my age never had the chance for, I am gifted with the wisdom, patience, serenity, understanding, empathy, love in such magnitudes that many people my age wouldn’t have, many mysteries have been revealed to me. I feel like God gave me so much in such a short period of life, although I am undeserving of them all, because he knew I don’t have too much time left in the world.

I know some of you might be saying, I think too much, some may say I’m being paranoid…

But this thought dawned upon me only recently… I wasn’t thinking about it, it just came to me… and it was strong feeling that didn’t want to leave me for days…

Have you ever felt strongly about something, pushed it aside only to see it happen later?

I have…

It’s that kind of feeling…

I have been having this strong ominous feeling for days…

I sense death. Even if it wasn’t for me, I feel it is here and it is going to take someone dear to me. I am scared. I hope it doesn’t happen.

I think Death will take me young… not this year, not next… but possibly before I’m 30. I feel so convinced. There have been many times I feel so convinced about matters that I do not know much about, just to see it happen just as I believed it would. That’s how I feel about this. I just know I am destined for young death, no matter how ridiculous it sounds. I do not invite but I am ready for it.

My life…..feels short….

I know when it eventually happens, some people will mourn for me, some people will regret letting me go, some people will miss me, some people may not feel a thing…

But for those who I love and yet chose to let me go, I wished it dawned upon them earlier that I am not going to be here forever. I wish they realised how much I mean to them before it is too late. I wished people realised that LIFE IS REALLY SHORTER THAN WE PERCEIVE IT TO BE, that there’s not always going to be a tomorrow.

But I know, that not all people see the things the way I do. Of such, these things will inevitable. There are going to be people who will only realise I meant something to them when I am no longer here.