So, there was PAG (Persons’ Are Gifts’ ) camp which took place over the weekend.

Well, to put it very briefly, it was very challenging as a facilitator but very fulfilling as a person.

There were about 9 sessions in the camp, out of which I facilitated 3 sessions which were ‘How Tightly Wrapped Are You?’, BGR (boy-girl relationship) and finally God’s love.

Of the three, BGR (though some opined that this is my forte) was, what I felt, the worst. The session was divided into a separate boys and girls session. One of my fellow facilitator, Jon, handled the boys’ separate session whereas I handled the girls’ separate session. By God’s grace, the girls’ session went quite well. Based on feedbacks, it made the necessary impact, and the message that I intended to deliver, was delivered. Unfortunately, the joint session, which was facilitated by me, was a total disaster (it was to me). I still am very disappointed with my presentation. Perhaps only 10-15% of what was planned initially was delivered. For some weird reason, I felt that the message that was originally intended in the session, was somewhat too mature for this group of teens, especially the boys. For some reason, I opined that this information was not relevant to this group, that the information was too high up there for them. For that reason, I took out many essential parts from the session, and at the end of the day, I felt the session failed to deliver the intended message. Frustration still fills me. Who am I to decide whether the message is too challenging for them or irrelevant to them? I have underestimated their capability to grasp the message, and now I will never be able to find out or even rectify the mistake. I am truly sorry, Lord for my failures and inefficiency and I pray Father, that my shortcomings did not deprive any of the teens of the possibility of clarity and guide in matters regarding BGR. I truly failed. Lack of preparation and the inability or perhaps even a lack of effort to relate to the teen boys may have lead to this failure. Whatever it is, it can no longer be rectified. All I can do is sigh. Again and again.

All in all, at this point of time, I feel like I have failed greatly and have deprived the teens’ of the possibility of some impactful transformation.

Lord, have mercy on me in your constant love. In your compassion, blot out my sin. Cleanse me of evil, and wash me clean of my guilt.

That’s only the first regret of the week. Second regret of the week, is in relation to the mistakes I made in a past friendship. I guess I can’t help but blame myself for everything that has taken place.

I know that it was my weaknesses that lead to us losing that friendship. It was I who did not guard my heart right. It was me who made the wrong choices, choices that was neither good for our friendship, nor for ourselves. It was my sentimentality that has us brought here. If only I had guarded my heart right, if only I was firm and not so weak.

If that wasn’t enough, I was too weak to continue to be friends. So much has been lost.

Will you forgive me and my limitations?

Some things are meant to be lost. But this loss, I am responsible for it. But there is no turning back.

Lord, help me rely on your wisdom and not mine.