They say loving someone means we must accept them for who they are. I agree. Acceptance is a very important part of any relationship. If I love you, then I should accept all your quirks, strengths, weakness, past mistakes, future responsibilities etc.

But I do wonder if acceptance means to never disagree.

If I knew what you are doing or choosing is bad for you, impedes your growth, potential and goodness as a person, then am I suppose to just accept what you do? Is that what loving you means?

I think we have somewhat become confused. We have concluded (rather ignorantly, I must say) that to accept someone means to agree and accept all the decisions he/she makes without any questions

Although acceptance is an important aspect of love, a greater challenge in love, greater than acceptance is the challenge to consciously decide to ALWAYS choose what is good for the person we love. We are not saying that we will make the decisions for the person, we are saying that whatever that is under our decision making territory, we will ensure those decisions bring good for the person we love, EVEN if it strains the relationship itself.

To choose to do something that is not good for the person we love, but is good for our relationship is actually quite selfish. The desire to preserve a relationship above choosing what is good for the other, just because it involves our own selves, or just because straining that relationship may lead to many heartaches and discomfort is a rather selfish decision.

It is like saying that, although I know that this particular decision you’re making (let’s say) is fatal, I will allow you to make it, because I accept you and all your decisions, and because I don’t want to lose our friendship. Although it may seem as if the latter action is stemmed from goodness, in actual fact it is selfish in nature.

Truly loving someone means to not only accept them as who they are, it also means to always make choices that are good for the person involved.

Should a mother, accept her child’s choice to consume poison just because it was the child’s choice and she should respect that choice? Respect for the freedom of choice ma! Sounds ridiculous, isn’t it? Of course the mother should express her disapproval on the choice the child has made, educate the child on the dangers of poison, and coax the child to not consume poison.

I hope we agree atleast on that.

Keeping that in mind, let us apply this to a different picture.

Should I just accept that some women or men just choose to be sex workers? That to some of them, it is just a way of earning an income? Is accepting them as individuals and respecting their freedom of choice mean that I should accept that to some of them, sex work is a form of career?

Because the act of sexual intercourse is not only a physical union between the two persons involved, because it is an act that involves union also at the spiritual level (because it is a life-giving act), and hence can you imagine the kind of fragmentation that occurs to a sex worker who unites in soul and body with different persons on a daily basis and then go on to separate from that union in a very short period of time? How can we then, say that such an act will not have any destructive effects on the sex worker’s physical, emotional and spiritual state?

Liberalism is good but it can bring about negative implications if used in extreme manners, without putting proper thoughts into it.

We may think that we are fighting for equal rights for sex workers. However, are we fighting for something that is good for them or are we fighting for something that is destructive for them? We care for the sex workers, but do we love them? Are we choosing to do what is good for them? Or are we choosing only to look at the first layer and ignore the rest of the layers of implications that come with that action?

A mother can be misunderstood by the child, when she chooses what is good for the child. Because what is good for child may not necessarily make the child happy at that point in time but a mother will still choose it, because to the mother, it does not matter if the child is upset or does not like the mother anymore. To the mother, what matter most is what is good for the child, above what is good for the mother, above what is good for the relationship.

I am not here to judge sex workers. Really. There must be a reason why they chose sex work. There must be something that has made them forget their own great value. I am sure they are beautiful amazing people. I have no doubt on that. There must be a reason they have made the choice they’ve made.

But that doesn’t mean I won’t tell them that they were created for so much more, with great value. That doesn’t mean that I won’t express disagreement if I know that the choices they are making for themselves is not good for them, rather it is destructive. I cannot decide for them, I cannot impose on them but I must, I must atleast do whatever that is in my power to help them make the right choice. I cannot champion sex work as a career option (under the false pretence of fighting for their rights) because it is not what is good for them.

If your own child came up to you and said that she would like to choose pornography or sex work as a career option, will you be instinctively supportive of it, simply because it is her freedom of choice or would you try to stop her and help her see the implications of her choice, hoping that she will learn to choose what is good for her?

Why can’t we treat sex workers with the same care we would have for our own children, for our own family members?

So, there was PAG (Persons’ Are Gifts’ ) camp which took place over the weekend.

Well, to put it very briefly, it was very challenging as a facilitator but very fulfilling as a person.

There were about 9 sessions in the camp, out of which I facilitated 3 sessions which were ‘How Tightly Wrapped Are You?’, BGR (boy-girl relationship) and finally God’s love.

Of the three, BGR (though some opined that this is my forte) was, what I felt, the worst. The session was divided into a separate boys and girls session. One of my fellow facilitator, Jon, handled the boys’ separate session whereas I handled the girls’ separate session. By God’s grace, the girls’ session went quite well. Based on feedbacks, it made the necessary impact, and the message that I intended to deliver, was delivered. Unfortunately, the joint session, which was facilitated by me, was a total disaster (it was to me). I still am very disappointed with my presentation. Perhaps only 10-15% of what was planned initially was delivered. For some weird reason, I felt that the message that was originally intended in the session, was somewhat too mature for this group of teens, especially the boys. For some reason, I opined that this information was not relevant to this group, that the information was too high up there for them. For that reason, I took out many essential parts from the session, and at the end of the day, I felt the session failed to deliver the intended message. Frustration still fills me. Who am I to decide whether the message is too challenging for them or irrelevant to them? I have underestimated their capability to grasp the message, and now I will never be able to find out or even rectify the mistake. I am truly sorry, Lord for my failures and inefficiency and I pray Father, that my shortcomings did not deprive any of the teens of the possibility of clarity and guide in matters regarding BGR. I truly failed. Lack of preparation and the inability or perhaps even a lack of effort to relate to the teen boys may have lead to this failure. Whatever it is, it can no longer be rectified. All I can do is sigh. Again and again.

All in all, at this point of time, I feel like I have failed greatly and have deprived the teens’ of the possibility of some impactful transformation.

Lord, have mercy on me in your constant love. In your compassion, blot out my sin. Cleanse me of evil, and wash me clean of my guilt.

That’s only the first regret of the week. Second regret of the week, is in relation to the mistakes I made in a past friendship. I guess I can’t help but blame myself for everything that has taken place.

I know that it was my weaknesses that lead to us losing that friendship. It was I who did not guard my heart right. It was me who made the wrong choices, choices that was neither good for our friendship, nor for ourselves. It was my sentimentality that has us brought here. If only I had guarded my heart right, if only I was firm and not so weak.

If that wasn’t enough, I was too weak to continue to be friends. So much has been lost.

Will you forgive me and my limitations?

Some things are meant to be lost. But this loss, I am responsible for it. But there is no turning back.

Lord, help me rely on your wisdom and not mine.