Today was his birthday. And we all threw him a big and the best kind of party that we could think of because we loved who he is and wanted to celebrate this amazing kind soul’s 21 years of LIVING. It was an amazing celebration, not because of how many people turned up but who turned up. It was a gathering of a huge family, close knitted, warm hearted family.
Everytime a big and meaningful celebration such as this happens, when everyone is joyous and excited and happy and so enthusiastic with the celebration, i noticed that i have a tendency to be quieter, more observant and tend to withdraw myself from the crowd. Today i understood why i respond in that manner.
Everytime, something so perfect and meaningful happens, the first thought to cross my mind was always, “How long will this last?”. Being a sceptic to the word permanent, i never really believed that anything in this world was ever permanent. My subconscious mind believes all things, the little families you make for yourself, the friendships, the effort, everything comes to an end, eventually.
I guess it was for this reason that i was somewhat obsessed with carpe diem, live for TODAY. Because i never really believed in tomorrow. And i guess, i fear, dread, that day when things change, when people who mean the world to you no longer do, when the connection shared with some special friends are lost, when dynamics of a relationship/friendship change, when everything that is left is mere memory.
I dread that day. I dread the day when he and i aren’t as close as we are, dread the day when everyone would have a family for themself that they wouldn’t need this family anymore, dread when priorities will change and i will no longer be part of it. Sounds selfish? I’m sorry.
I really pray that i am wrong because if i am not, i know i would be extremely nostalgic if not hurt, just thinking of these people and the moments we shared.
Everytime a big and meaningful celebration such as this happens, when everyone is joyous and excited and happy and so enthusiastic with the celebration, i noticed that i have a tendency to be quieter, more observant and tend to withdraw myself from the crowd. Today i understood why i respond in that manner.
Everytime, something so perfect and meaningful happens, the first thought to cross my mind was always, “How long will this last?”. Being a sceptic to the word permanent, i never really believed that anything in this world was ever permanent. My subconscious mind believes all things, the little families you make for yourself, the friendships, the effort, everything comes to an end, eventually.
I guess it was for this reason that i was somewhat obsessed with carpe diem, live for TODAY. Because i never really believed in tomorrow. And i guess, i fear, dread, that day when things change, when people who mean the world to you no longer do, when the connection shared with some special friends are lost, when dynamics of a relationship/friendship change, when everything that is left is mere memory.
I dread that day. I dread the day when he and i aren’t as close as we are, dread the day when everyone would have a family for themself that they wouldn’t need this family anymore, dread when priorities will change and i will no longer be part of it. Sounds selfish? I’m sorry.
I really pray that i am wrong because if i am not, i know i would be extremely nostalgic if not hurt, just thinking of these people and the moments we shared.
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