A friend came over and was chatting with me and my roommate, you know, about normal things, like exams and college and special sems and holidays and friends. In the midst of the conversation, out of nowhere, I felt, like a punch to my stomach, like the kind that brings you down. I felt disturbed, a little troubled or sad or depressed and I was shocked as to why I was feeling that way. I mean, we were talking about perfectly normal things. Then, why did I feel like we were discussing something rather depressing…

I thought about it. I really wanted to understand why I was feeling that way, especially when, the feeling did not go away.

And then I found the answer.

It was that time of the year where biomedical science student have their special sem, when everyone else goes home for holidays, we have our special sem where we do additional subjects and do our final year research. Yeap, lotsa work.

I was feeling the way I did because this special sem meant that it was time, where I would have to stay in college….alone….when people go home to their family for holidays, when my close friends will all be home, equally busy, doing their things, but yet away, in their world. This special sem, would mean, me in college, alone, struggling through research, without a place to run to when I am stressed or troubled or bored. It means, I’ll have to survive for two months without the little family I have made for myself. It’s not easy coming from penang and having a ‘family’ who are all locals.

No worries, I am not selfish. I’m not wishing that they lived far from their families like myself. Far from anything that sick. I’m happy they get to go home. I know how good it feels to be home, since I get to go home really seldom.

I guess I am just afraid of falling…afraid of coming back to an empty room, afraid of being alone, afraid of an empty college, afraid of life without friends and families to support, afraid of not having someone to turn to, afraid of drowning in my own thoughts without having someone to support, just having someone around.

Life of a student is really not as easy as people may think. There’s always a lot more going on. We just don’t realise until we take some time to think about it.

I know some of you guys are gonna read this and feel really bad for me. Don’t. It’s just my insecurities and I guess, it simply means you guys mean to me more than it seems. I am going to get through this, I’m sure. I'm gonna be okay...