Danielle

I wrote this in June 2010 but never published it in my blog. I just read it again and realised how some things haven't changed, and yet some have. It's almost 3 years since I wrote it but my prayers haven't changed, my desires haven't changed. In fact, the bible verses I've quoted here, have subconsciously become the most resounding and closest bible verses to my heart. I have come to learn that the desires (those legitimate, just and pure ones) in our hearts, it is the Lord who places them there in the first place. and if those desires persist over many many years with the same intensity, or even grows to greater intensity, then the Lord is guarding, nurturing and purifying those desires, preparing us to receive it one day. In that, I have full confidence and faith in My Lord, God.


"Ever since I understood what love was, I had always yearned to experience it with all my heart. I loved the sensitivity and intimacy I imagined would be experienced between a man and woman truly in love. I yearned for that same intimacy and sensitivity. God helped me to understand that love was selfless, that it goes beyond what I want, that it involved a lot of work, responsibility, and commitment.

He taught me that love was not a feeling that can fade away with time. Love was an action, a verb, a choice. It involved giving of one's self fully, freely, faithfully and fruitfully. The absence of any of these elements in a relationship of love makes it irrevocably incomplete. Knowing all these made me desire that experience, that relationship even more. I felt that now that I knew the theory, I wanted to get into the practical.

I saw it as an educational process. I wanted to put into practice what I had learned. I yearned for a relationship with the other half where everything I have learned can be put into practice. By now, I am sure you can already guess what the contents of my prayers were. Fervently, diligently, persistently I prayed and asked for God to unite me with the man that He has chosen for me that I can put all these that I have learned into practice. Bible verses such Matt 7:7-8 ("Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and the one who knocks, the door will be opened."), John 14:13-14 ("And whatever you ask in my name, I will do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything of me in my name, I will do it.") and James 1:6 ("But he should ask in faith, not doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed about by the wind.") gave me encouragement to continue asking God, believing that He will, one day, grant me my prayers. Some would say that what I did was out of faith. To me, what I did was out of disillusioned faith. limited faith, that did not see beyond the vantage point.

When no man came into my life (no one I could see myself sharing my life with), I couldn’t understand why God did not want to grant me my prayers. I kept wondering what I was still doing wrong that I needed to rectify, before God could answer my prayer. Is He telling me that I am not ready? Or is he telling me that the time is not right? Is the one He has for me not ready yet? I could spend hours, days, weeks pondering on this and I would find no answer that could satisfy me. I tried to keep my faith in God but some days, I would just sink into the pit hole in despair and misery thinking that maybe, just maybe I am not (yet) deserving to experience such a love.

I would think of all the unrequited love and I would fall into depression thinking of the lack of love in my life. It took me ages and one Bible verse to help me see that God had answered my prayers long before I even asked for it. One day, as I was reading, this verse hit right at me, piercing me. M a r k 1 0 : 5 1 "What do you want Me to do for you?" I felt like Jesus was asking me what I wanted Him to do for me. And the first thought that came to my mind was
 “Isn’t it obvious? I’ve asked You for it a gazillion of times. Why have You not answered me yet?” 

He said, “That is what your words are asking for. What do YOU want me to do for you?” 

I didn’t understand it at first. I thought to myself, 
“This is crazy. You know exactly what I want you to do for me. Why are You asking me again?” 

He replied, 
“I know exactly what you are asking me to do for you. But do you?” 

I took a step back and just wanted to think about it. Something in me unravelled the mystery to me.

“I know what is in your heart. I know what you truly desire. I see beyond your words, into your heart, mind and spirit. You asked me for Love. You asked me to give you an opportunity to experience love in its most selfless, purest, intoxicating, complete, out-of-the-world form. So, I gave you Me, I gave you all of Me, all of My attention, all of My time, all of My blessings, all of My love. I gave you My life. I answered your prayers long before you knew it. You just never saw it.”

I remained silent. I was trying to process what I had just heard. It took me a while to understand and accept what He was telling me.


As much as I wanted a relationship between a man and a woman, the true reason why I even desired it was because I believed that it was this relationship that would allow me to experience love in one of its greatest form. What my heart truly desired was to experience love, to give and receive love in its most beautiful, purest, complete form. That is what I wanted to experience through the relationship that I was fervently asking God for. My prayers were answered long before I even realised it.

God saw beyond my words, into my heart, and knew exactly what I truly desired. He granted me my prayers. Not in the form I expected Him to but exactly in the form I wanted Him to. He gave me what my heart truly desired and not what I thought I wanted. And that was more than enough of a prayer answered for me.

Do you have prayers that have not been answered? Or have they been answered but you just have yet to recognise it?
Danielle
I can finally understand how one eventually gives up on their nation and decides to leave it for another country. Talk to many Malaysians abroad and you will find out that (atleast) most of them, still miss many good things about Malaysia. They still talk about the beauty of diversity and culture in Malaysia. You will come to see that they do not think that the country that they are currently living in is perfect or far superior to Malaysia. What they did get in that country, which they were denied in Malaysia, was equal rights and rightful treatment as a citizen. They were treated to merit-based opportunity in their new foreign country, in which most of them have yet to become citizens. Perhaps many have acquired permanent residentship, some may not have even acquired that yet, but they were still given equal opportunities based on merit. Most people decide not to return to Malaysia after being abroad mainly for this reason.

They receive better treatment in a country where they are not even citizens, than in the country of their citizenship. Many of us back home are often quick to jump and call them traitors. Well, perhaps we need empathy to objectively evaluate the situation and then we will realise what a sad state Malaysia is in now, and the rakyat who chose to leave Malaysia are not to be blamed.

It is extremely painful and challenging to read the papers, mainstream and alternatives, because it leaves one with this immense sense of hopelessness. Sometimes, the sorry state Malaysia is in seems irreversible. One can’t help but feel helpless, like there was nothing they could do to improve the state of this country that they truly love.

How do you cope with being called an immigrant in your own country after your ancestors were granted citizenship? How do you cope seeing your country’s prominent ex-leader state that immigrants (which is a far cry from the rightful term, citizen) are guests in the country until they have completely abandoned their mother tongues and cultures and absolved the culture and language of their country of residence? How do you cope when your peers, equally educated as you, agree with that statement? How do you cope with seeing your country’s current leader make a joke of the people who were mistreated by the police in a peaceful rally for free and fair election? How do you really cope? How do you cope knowing that many do not see racism as racism but as a way of merely defending the rights of their people? How do you cope?

Read this history journal (http://www.jstor.org/stable/3035316) and use your critical thinking to ascertain why were the so-called immigrants granted citizenship half a century ago. If they are really immigrants and will continue to be so, as they were not originally from this land, why grant citizenship to them in the first place? Out of mercy and generosity? Give it a rational thought. The 'immigrants' were granted citizenship because the immigrants, in one way or another, contributed positively to the development of the nation. They needed the numbers (of citizens) to convince the colonist that the country had stability to finally be independent.They needed the numbers to make the public services, the administratives offices and especially to garner a convincing win in the election. 

Did you know that Tun Hussein Onn’s Parti Negara candidates for the 1955 election were made up of a large majority of Malays (32 out of 33 candidates) and yet they did not win? 
Why do you think that was the case? 
Do you not think that the rakyat at that point would have wanted a purely Malay-based government [bear in mind that the majority(84%) of registered voters at that time were Malays]? 

Why then, did the Alliance party consisting of candidates from 3 major races (MCA, MIC, UMNO) win instead?

Because the people then recognised that the country prospered well with cooperation from all the major races. Because they recognised the human dignity and value the ‘immigrants’ possessed which called for equal and kind treatment, not out of mercy, but out of human duty.
Because they recognised, in love for their country, that what was good for the country in the long run, was collaboration and cooperation of all, living in the country.

Then, after the 1955 elections, the constitution (enforced in 1957) granted citizenship to the so-called immigrants. Why?

They granted citizenship to the ‘immigrants’ because they recognised the need for the ‘immigrants’ to make the country whole and truly functional. They did not grant citizenship out of some exclusively altruistic intention to extend mercy and kindness. 

It was largely a practical, political and economical decision. As it always is.

That was more than 50 years ago. 
If you really love your country, then please don’t take every word you hear from biased sources, for its face value. Start thinking critically about what we are being told by the the nation’s leaders. 

Let’s start using our intellect, conscience and maturity to acquire more accurate knowledge on the situation and to make decisions.

For once, let us we stop arguing about who the superior race of the country is and start making decisions for the good of the country for years to come.

If we really do love it and want to salvage it before it goes into the ruins, it is time to do something. 

Elections are coming up. Perhaps we can begin there. ;)
Danielle


We both couldn't guard it,
Couldn’t protect what was precious to us,
And now we're standing here, 
With this great distance between us,
having lost what was gravely cherished,
Wondering what we did wrong,
How we got here. 

If only we had no emotions.
Maybe it's me,
Maybe it's not you.
Maybe if I felt nothing,
Maybe if I was just a machine,
You could key in the formula and 
I could react as how you would want me to.

What a tragedy it is,
To be humans,
Humans with mind, spirit and body,
with thoughts, emotions and actions.
Interlinked to each other,
yet so distinctly different.
Amidst all these differences,
we were called to guard this love of ours.
Should I be surprised that we failed?

I ask myself what I could have done differently,
Where we went wrong,
I ask myself,
If I had a time machine, would I go back in time to change anything?
Some things maybe, but so little actually.

Perhaps
Perhaps it was truly meant to be lost,
Perhaps there was nothing we could have done to save it,
Perhaps there is nothing we can do now to keep it,
Perhaps, just perhaps,
We were truly meant to lose each other. 

Danielle
I wasn't sure whether I had or wanted to write anything this last day of 2012.

It has definitely been a year of grace, blessings and exponential growth for me. God has His plans for each of us, and though I may not understand most of it, by His grace, I have learnt to trust Him. That has been the greatest blessing for the year; having learnt how to trust the Lord genuinely, in mind, heart and will.

Does this mean that everything has been easy for me this year? Nope, quite the opposite actually.
Things have not been easy at all. December has been good since it was holidays with family and friends but for the most of the year, it has been filled with challenges and growing beyond my limitations and fears.
Did things turn out the way I prayed for? Nope. Quite the opposite actually. But does that mean that the Lord has deserted me? Of course not. I have learnt that the fact that the Lord loves us doesn't mean He will answer our prayers exactly how we want Him to. He will answer them in ways beyond our imagination, which sometimes means that His immediate answer to our prayers may be a 'No' taking into account many other factors involved.

Start 2013, I have big decisions to implement and I genuinely pray for the grace and courage to pull through them.

hmmm. grace, Lord, grace indeed...

Danielle

In the course of the research that I am doing currently, I work with zebrafish embryos a lot. We mate the male and female fishes, collect the fertilised embryos and either breed them until the age we desire to perform the experiments on, or perform experiments on them at their 1-cell embryo stages.

I am not quite sure what you are feeling as you read about the kind of work I do. Performing experiments on embryos, manipulating genetic material of fish embryos, collecting fertilised 1-cell stage embryos and injecting them with material that silences specific genetic expressions, and once the experiments are completed, we terminate the embryos. Sounds cruel, no?
 I think it is a little cruel. Perhaps it is the engrained nature within that is pricked at the very thought of using, manipulating and disposing life, according to my desire (experimental setup may be the more technical and accurate term) but I am reminded that all are created with a purpose, and shall live according to its purpose.

The other day, I was working with 48-hour-post-fertilisation (hpf) embryos. Only 48 hpf. I was collecting them, tearing open the chorion, and releasing them into the water environment (it is synonymous to giving birth, when the foetus leaves the womb, to enter an environment outside the safety of the womb). As I was trying, with as much delicacy as I possibly could, to tear open the chorion to release the embryos into their external environment, I could see how the embryos were moving, twitching, trying to help themselves to come out of the chorion as well. They were not only alive at a tender age of 48hpf, they seem to know that they need to leave the chorion, and that I was trying to do that as well. They had survival instincts. The moment I touched the chorion, they would twitch and turn, to avoid my forceps, to avoid injury to their body. Once there is a little tear on the chorion, they try to find their way out of the chorion, almost cooperating with me. All these in embryos of 48hpf.

So why am I sharing in length on what I am doing at work? Nope, I am not (yet) obsessed with science, nor am I so proud of what I do that I feel the urge to tell the world.

I write this because watching these 48-hpf embryos, triggered a thought in my mind. Here I am working with 48hpf embryos and it was as OBVIOUS as Hitler’s moustache that these embryos were very much alive, and are organisms despite their tender age, but we are arguing on whether 2-weeks old human foetuses are alive and can be considered human. If we viewed it purely scientifically, and since scientifically speaking it seems to be a question of taxonomy, a species of an organism is not determined by the age of the organism. We don’t look at 2 days old zebrafish embryos and wonder whether these can be considered zebrafishes. We don’t say bulls*** such as only 4-days old zebrafish embryos are zebrafishes. Taxonomy has NEVER classified species based on the age of an organism. The species of an organism is determined by its genetic material, regardless of its age.
But here we are, looking at 2-21 weeks old foetuses and arguing that it is not a human person. That only foetuses older than that are humans.

You see, objectively speaking, Abortion is really NOT a question of at what age is a foetus considered to be a human. Abortion is an argument on when it is okay to murder. We are trying to put a period for when murder can be performed. Terminating of human life at the whim and fancy of another (even if it is the mother) cannot be justified, regardless of what our reasons are. The choice in abortion is between not killing and being okay to kill. Where is the argument in it, really?

The Obama government, approved abortion to be performed at any age of the foetuses without the need to give any reason. He is basically saying, that it doesn’t matter to him, if a life of a human person is being terminated for whatever cause. Apparently, to him, termination of life is a matter between the killer and the victim, and he respects freedom of choice so much that he will not interfere. What a beautiful system and understanding of ‘freedom’ we have.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate, judge or look down on those who have performed abortion, those who will have an abortion, those who are having an abortion as I speak right now. I love them and I know it must be so very difficult to be in their position. Perhaps they feel disadvantaged physically, economically, mentally, psychologically to provide and nurture another human being. However, just because I understand what they feel and the situation they are in, doesn’t mean that I am going to lie or deprive them of the truth. All are entitled to the freedom of truth, and choices are made based on the truth that they are entitled to. They are entitled to know the truth of their actions, of the consequences involved. They have a right to not be misled into believing that abortion is NOT termination of LIFE ie MURDER. They have a right to know that whether a foetus is 1-day or 32-weeks old, it is still a human life, albeit at a different stage. They deserve to know that the age of the foetus in no way diminishes its human quality and species.

 
There is nothing more to say than that.

We are stuck with these. The will to disbelieve. Difussion of responsibility. Lack of education.  Disrespect for the dignity of life.

Random, yet not so random after all.
Danielle
Plato as quoted by Fr. Brendan Purcell

That which makes human beings human in terms of a love that deepens through the three stages of what is called the love of outer, inner and everlasting beauty.


a) love of outer beauty:
"First, he will fall in love with the beauty of the individual body, so that his passion may give rise to noble discourse. Next, he will see that if he is to devote himself to loveliness of form, it will be absurd to deny that the beauty of each and every body is the same... he must be the lover of every lovely body"

b) love of inner beauty
"Next, he must grasp that the beauties of the body are as nothing to the beauties of the soul, so that wherever he meets with spiritual loveliness, even in the husk of an unlovely body, he will find it beautiful enough to fall in love with, and to cherish -  and beautiful enough to quicken in his heart a longing for such discourse as tends towards the building of a noble nature. And from this he will be led to contemplate the beauty of laws and institutions"

c) love of everlasting beauty
"And now, Socrates, there bursts upon him that wondrous vision which is the very soul of the beauty he has toiled so long for. It is an everlasting loveliness which neither comes nor goes which neither flowers nor fades... Nor will his vision of the beautiful take the form of a face... or of anything of the flesh. It will neither be words, nor knowledge, nor a something which exists in something else... but subsisting of itself and by itself in an eternal oneness, while every lovely thing partakes of it... starting from individual beauties, the quest for the universal beauty must find him ever mounting the heavenly ladder... until at last he comes to know what beauty is."


Danielle


Never in my entire life, did I imagine that I turning 25 would be monumental. I mean, in some ways unconsciously I think I dreaded turning 25. There is something about turning quarter a century old that sets the benchmark, a certain expectation of how one should be. I suppose, I felt that in the eye of the society, I am not very accomplished. At quarter a century old, neither am I working, nor I am I in a long-term romantic relationship or working towards marriage. I have accomplished none of these. At quarter a century old, I am still studying, away from home, I am not dating anyone, or on my way to dating or being in a relationship. In the eye of the society, and in my own eyes, turning 25 was absolutely meaningless. There isn’t really anything to celebrate, I thought. No accomplishments to reflect on, no milestones. Just me. Plain me, turning 25.

I hadn’t seen it coming, this huge life changing learning that was about to take place just a week before my turning 25, over a 40 minutes conversation.

As I was growing up, I understood what feminineness was about and it came to me quite naturally. When I was in my teens, in order to fit in, I avoided expressing my feminine side, because all my close girlfriends at that age were not as feminine. However, as I grew, I realised that being feminine was something that was already wired in my body and personality. It was something that came naturally, and I learned to be comfortable with my own femininity.

What seemed to have escaped my thought process was how feminineness was different from womanhood. I was comfortable expressing feminineness but not womanhood. Womanhood is the very design of a woman, her body complemented by her gentle spirit and caring mind. To a certain extent, I understood womanhood, but I didn’t realise how inhibited I was in expressing my own womanhood due to scepticisms and scars. Growing up in a male-dominated society, where woman are often treated as second class citizens, and objectified as one pleased with no sense of guilt, I was always extra cautious with the way I carried myself, cautious with my sense of dressing, cautious in my body language with my guy friends, cautious about the topic of conversation with my guy friends. In short, I had an obsessive compulsive disorder when it came to my relationship with men, because I didn’t want to give them any chance of objectifying or looking down on me. In short, my effort of avoiding being objectified led to the suppression of the innate expression of my very womanhood.



You see, for some odd reason (perhaps it wasn’t all that odd), I thought that women are objectified because of their womanhood. The more one expressed their womanhood, in their body, mind and spirit, the more prone they were to being objectified. I wish I understood earlier that women are objectified not because they express their womanhood, but simply because they are women.

If it wasn’t for that open, honest conversation that took place, I would have never come to realise that all these while, I have suppressed my womanhood, in my effort of preventing myself from being objectified. I was never comfortable with the idea of being a woman (expressing my womanhood), because I understood deep down, that being a woman, meant that I had the great risk of being objectified, just for being me.

Sorry boys, I don’t mean to be biased. I do agree there are men out there who have learned the art of continence and exercise respect for women by not objectifying them, but I grew watching many men who do not view objectification of women as something wrong.

So, I grew up being a woman who was comfortable in expressing her feminineness (which is not the trait that makes a woman objectifiable) but never her womanhood.

It was just a few days before turning 25, that it dawned upon me, that the Lord created and designed me to be a woman, in every sense of the word. It was His plan for me from the beginning. He put in deliberate care and detail in His formation of me, as a person, and especially a woman, so that I can learn to be a woman, the Lord designed me to be. All those years studying theology of the body, relationship between man and woman according to the Lord’s design, the gift of sexuality, sexual desires, marriage, all these things that have always fascinated me and inspired me, the Lord revealed them to prepare me for this moment, when He could teach me to simply be the woman He had designed me to be, and to be comfortable doing it.

At the brink of turning 25, He taught me the essence of womanhood, and called me to embrace it.  He taught me the art of being a woman, and now He calls me to live it out with courage in every sense of the word. He called me out of my fear of objectification, into a space of trust, faith and hope.

For the first time in 25 years, I understand my calling to be a woman, and I embrace it as the Lord designed it. For the first time in 25 years, I am comfortable being a woman, and expressing my womanhood. For the first time in 25 years, I feel more like myself than I have ever been. For the first time in 25 years, I am truly a woman, in every graspable form I can be, and for this moment, I can only respond with silent awe and adoration of the Creator, who created me, blessed me, designed me, inspired me, moulded me and brought me here in the first place.

A woman I am, a woman I shall be.

In my opinion, the very epitome of womanhood
Danielle
A miracle indeed. An overwhelming miracle, that resulted from humanity praying in unison for something as simple as the return of an abducted child. 

Today, I tear for a good reason. Something I never thought would happen, even as I lifted it up in prayer. He has returned. Nayati has returned home, by divine intervention without a doubt.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you. For loving us, for listening to us, even as we doubt You and fail You.
Danielle

I have forged a wonderful friendship with a French here in Sydney. He has become a very dear friend, with whom I can share my thoughts and opinions on diverse topics with blatant honesty, even if we may disagree on several of those issues. He recently had a knee surgery for a torn ligament, and I tried to visit him as much as I could as he laid immobilised at home, recuperating.

When I visited him last Friday, he asked how my week was and to be completely honest, I couldn’t quite answer him as honestly as I would have wanted to. My week wasn’t great, especially that Friday. I read the news about the kidnapping of a 12-year-old boy, Nayati on his way to school. It was spreading all over Facebook, that I initially dismissed it as SPAM. As more reliable sources started posting up the same news on their FB profile, I decided to read up more and see if there was any news in media on it. And shockingly and depressingly there was. A 12-year-old was indeed kidnapped on his way to school. He looked like a bright young child, with a wonderful future ahead of him, and he was snatched away from his life. To date, no news has been heard on his whereabouts although investigations are ongoing.


How does this concern me and why do I need to talk about it? How can I not? It appals me to even think of what the kidnappers intend to do to this young child? I can only imagine the horror of helplessness the parents are experiencing at the loss of their child. I am sure they would have deployed every means possible to attempt to find their son, but I do not know if any of these means will be of any use. Every year, hundreds of children are reported missing. Parents try to do all they can to find their child back but almost always with little result. Children are going missing! They are being kidnapped! These kidnappings may be related to some kind of children prostitution or slavery. I do not know. What is happening to these children? The rate of heinous rape and murder cases are increasing alarmingly. We are becoming more and more desensitised to these news. With time, they are evoking lesser anguish and grief in us. It is slowly becoming more of a sensational news, that we observe from outside, either judging the involved parties, or feeling a brief sense of ‘sorryness’.

What leads anyone to become so deprived of goodness, that kidnappings, rapes, murders and prostitutions has become a liable business and an acceptable act? Do you not wonder, what leads human beings to become so violent, and inhumane to a fellow human being?

I wondered. I really did.

Richard Dawkins, the popular author of ‘The God Delusion’ said in his debate with Cardinal George Pell of Sydney, Australia that the ‘why’ question is irrelevant and futile. He proposed that only the ‘what’ question is of use.

How more mislead can one be?

Some of the questions that probes the human heart as he reaches maturity and reason are “Why am I here?”, “Why do I exist?”. From these questions, then flowed some ‘what’ questions such as “What am I doing here?”, “What should I be doing?” “What can I do with my life?”. Aren’t these the questions that drive the human journey of seeking identity.

What happens when a human person finds no relevance to the ‘why’ questions? One fails to understand his origin, his humanity, and all the other values that come with it. One fails to understand his very being and thus is strongly predisposed to act in a manner contradictory to his humanity. Is that not what is happening to our human family today? We no longer know who we are. It is almost as if we have forgotten that we are human beings, belonging to a universal human family, under the guidance of the beautiful One God.

What happens when we want to define ourselves or in the concept of Dawkins, nothing, as the truth and origin of our very being? Finiteness. That’s what we become. An unsustainable system of human economics, that falls apart with time.

Humanity is falling apart right before our eyes and it seems almost as if, we’re watching it happen with a swell of ignorance and arrogance.

And some still wonder why I believe in God, and that humanity came from God, and not from nothing.


So, the answer to Hubert’s question is, I am not ok. Very not ok.


Danielle
The princess awaits the prince. In humility, hope, gentleness and obedience, her head is bowed down in reverence to the One who guards her. Before her, stands the One, the Mighty, One who holds authority, One of Truth, Way and Life, One who is Love himself. He stands before her, guarding her heart, her soul, her body, so that only one who is truly worthy may enter and claim her. Only one who is courageous, righteous and gracious to ask for her hand from her heavenly Father, may acquire the key to her heart and claim her love. Until then, the princess awaits with patience and hope, with her head bowed down.

Such is my story. I am no earthly princess, but I am my Father's daughter, and therefore I am a princess. And so are you.

If all men realised that women are God's most prized creation, perhaps they will be more conscious to treat her with respect and love according to her dignity. If all women realised that they are God's most prized creation, perhaps they will guard their gifts more resiliently against unworthy, insincere suitors.
Danielle
"i am an independent girl. The only time i like being dependent is when I am with you."

super darn cute quote.
Danielle

Recently, I had the opportunity to attend an “Animal Research Ethics” 2-day course. Basically, this course is aimed at educating students/researchers that will be working with animals, on the ethical manner of handling animals in research. It calls on researchers to reduce, replace, refine the use of animals in research wherever possible. During this course, we also had people from the animal rights’ group (animal rights’ advocates believe that animals deserve equal consideration of their interests as that of humans and hence, they object the use of animals ALTOGETHER for any purpose for which humans will not be considered. Basically, what they are saying is that, if you would not use humans for that purpose, then you shall not use animals either). The representative from an animal rights’ group called Animal Liberation, presented what seemed like a deep philosophical and anthropological view on the matter of animal rights’. It was during this presentation that I was introduced to the term ‘speciesism’.

Speciesism is the pillar that holds the argument of the animal rights’ groups. Speciesism is an act of discriminating a living form based on its species. The representative used racism and sexism as a parallel example to help the audience better grasp this concept of speciesism. From the perspective of the animal rights’ activist, just like racism and sexism, discrimination against an organism based on its species is wrong. They argued, who rendered humans the rights to view animals as inferior beings that can be USED for research in ways which humans wouldn’t be used? Apparently, this is speciesism, discriminating against animals as they are viewed as the inferior organism. At first glance, it seemed almost noble. I mean, wow, here is a group that has picked up the discriminatory act of humans against animals. They proposed that the act of speciesism has become so naturalised (ingrained in the society over centuries, that it has become a natural habit), as was racism and sexism at some point in time, that people have yet to see why it’s wrong.

When I first heard this, I thought to myself, “Oh my, could this be true? Have I been practising an unjust discrimination all these years but just never saw it?” But the more thought I gave it, the more I realised how intangible this concept was. If speciesism was a concept rooted in truth, it will first and foremost, be applicable (i.e you can actually practise not being a speciest) and secondly, you should be able to apply it without conditions. For example, you can’t stand against racism but say that it cannot be applied to all races, that to some races, racism would still have to apply. That would be absurd, wouldn’t it? It’s like saying, ‘Hey, racism is discriminatory! It is wrong! We should not do it….. Except if it is against (let’s just say for argument’s sake) Indians, then you can practise racism’. You see that is the problem with speciesism. To truly stand against speciesism, means to not discriminate any living thing based on its species. After all, the argument WAS who are we to determine humans are the superior being. But to truly practise non-speciesism, one would have to stop eating, because we wouldn’t eat human meat, now would we? So, what gave humans the rights to feed on animal and plants? Who decided that these organisms are the ‘inferior’ being that we can feed on? Isn’t it discriminatory to not eat human meat, and value human life and yet to not value animals’ and plants’ life with equal consideration?

I am sure, many are going, ‘But that’s a different thing!’. How so? For speciesism to be a truly tangible argument, one should be able to apply non-speciesism effectively but as you can see, practising non-speciesism DIRECTLY means non-survival. I guess one can, out of his ‘nobility’ of being ‘non-discriminatory’ choose to die than to feed on plants and animals. Hmm, yeah right?

You see the confusion we end up with. Our sense of justice and righteousness must lead humanity to its fullest potential and purpose. If our sense of justice and righteousness leads to death instead of elevating humanity, then there is something very distorted about that sense of justice and righteousness.

You see what happens when we take God out of the picture and choose ourselves as the absolute determinant of path of truth, justice and righteousness? It truly becomes a chaos, a confusion. Instead of Truth that clarifies, we end with truth that sends us on a spiral of confusion.

When you put God into the picture, it’s almost like how a person with short-sightedness found his/her pair of spectacles. Everything becomes clearer. With God in the picture, we know that humans were created in the likeness and image of God himself. We were given His nature. Our inquisitiveness, intelligence, desire for Love and Truth, our fulfilment as a community, our Reason, our able to execute Will, all these goods things point to the likeness of God, imparted to us by His grace. Humans were given dominion over the creatures of the earth. Do you realise how even this points our being created in the likeness of God? Humans were given dominion over the creatures of the earth as God has dominion over all things on heaven and earth. We were entrusted to lead and treat the creatures of earth with utmost care, compassion and justice while enabling them to achieve their fullest potential and use but these cannot mean that the creatures of the earth will attain equality with humanity which rules over them. The very same way, God is God, who leads and treats us humans with utmost care, compassion and justice while always guiding us to achieve our fullest potential as His ultimate creation but these cannot mean that we will attain equality with God, that we shall become God ourselves. This cannot mean, that now, we shall decide what the order of creatures shall be, we shall decide (devoid of God’s Truth) what wrong and right is, that we shall be the ‘Lords’ and no God shall govern us, that no God shall impose His Truth or Justice on us. That is what idolatry really is.

I see how messed up we become when we take God out of the equation. I see how human wisdom without divine guidance leads to a dead end, to death ultimately. But despite all this, I cannot make you believe in God. I cannot convince you how incomplete, misguided and lost we become when we kick God out of the picture. I can only pray that you will be open to see these things, and that when you do, I pray that you will find the courage and humility to admit that there is indeed a God. And not a God, who Lord it over us, taking us against our will, against our happiness but a Lord who fulfils us, a Lord who gives of Himself so completely, so that we may one day find ourselves. A Lord who lives, a Lord who is patient in waiting for His child to return to Him, a Lord who will never give up us, even when all around us do.

Danielle

There was an interesting video in the web recently that went viral (14 million hits on youtube, i mind you!!). It was a video of a dashing young rapper with great musical talent spitting out rhymes about the sins of religion. The video attracted the attention and likes of many, especially the young. The number of shares of this video on Facebook was phenomenal. This young man was preaching that Jesus came to abolish religion and it was mostly Christians who shared the video on their Facebook page. I found it to be rather perplexing that the video appealed most to Christians, who themselves belong to a religion, than it did to atheists or free-thinkers.

Well, apparently, the young man was very spot-on his points, and though many were unsure of what their stand was on religion, they agreed with what he was arguing about.

The young rapper started his video with questions. Lots of them. I am not quite sure if he provided much accurate answers but he was very effective in asking questions that rhymed and were interesting to listen to. However, I came to learn once again, that just because it sounds good, doesn’t mean it is true. It is absolutely important that as learned, educated Christians, we learn to question inspirations and discern the messages that is being sent to us, regardless of the language and the format it comes in.

Let me begin by saying I do not blame this young man for what he believes in. He was probably taught to interpret the Bible subjectively without the proper guidance from someone with about 2000 years worth of Scriptural knowledge. He may not have had the opportunity to master discernment in order to discern every inspiration that he receives. Not everyone is blessed with the opportunity to receive such education and formation.

Now, the first question this young man asked was, “What if I told you Jesus came to abolish religion?”

Of course, before one can even think of the answer to that question, he pounces once again with another question. “What if I told you voting Republican wasn’t his mission?”

Catchy, eh? The majority of us will probably agree to the second sentence, and naturally then concede that he was probably right about his first claim as well.

After some thought, the answer to his very first question appears direct and simple.

Jesus did not, never did come to abolish religion. There are plenty of scriptural evidences to support this. Jesus was born into the Jewish religion. Jesus, God in flesh, chose to be presented to the Jewish temple, according to Jewish customs, after His birth. Jesus, at the age of 12, followed his parents to their annual ‘religious’ pilgrimage to Jerusalem. In Matt 5:17, Jesus says boldly, “Do not think that I came to abolish the Law and the Prophets. I have come not to abolish them but to fulfil them” (NIV). When the Pharisees and the scribes questioned Jesus regarding the Jewish practice of keep the Sabbath holy, Jesus response was not to negate or nullify the practise of Sabbath but to restore the practice to its correct disposition. He called on the Pharisees to remember the true nature of the practice, that is to live Sabbath for praise and gratitude towards God, with Christ as the centrepiece.

Jesus came to fulfil the true calling of a religion, that is to know God, to love God and to serve God with all our heart, our mind, our soul and our strength. If abolishing religion was Jesus’ aim, then He would have stood against all the Jewish religious practices of the time. But that is not what Christ did. He wasn’t against the religious practices. He was against distorted religious practices that instead of being directed to God’s glorification, was directed towards self-glorification. The Pharisees were so obsessed with keeping the Laws, so that they may appear worthy before God and those around them. The religious practices ended up putting the focus on self. These religious practices, are suppose to edify us and redirect our focus and thoughts back to God, so that God becomes the central theme of our lives, and rituals such as the Passover and keeping the Sabbath holy are there so that making Christ the central theme of our lives becomes an innate habit. The problem was not with religion or religious practices but was with a self-directed religion and religious practice.

The young man, then goes on to say that,

“If religion is so big, why has it started so many wars?
Why does it build huge churches but fails to feed the poor?
Tell single moms God doesn’t love them, because they have ever had a divorce.”

Does religion call people to go on war against each other? I don’t think i’ve heard of many religions that call on their followers to wage war against another human being. Then, why were there wars in the name of religion? Is it not obvious that these wars were self-seeking in nature but hid behind the banners of religion? Didn’t as many people oppose war because they had a sound religious understanding as did those who wanted to wage war in the name of religion? Religion isn’t bad. It is the misuse of religion for self-seeking purposes that is bad.

Why does it build huge churches but fails to feed the poor?

Ever wondered why Christ was so ticked off when He saw business going on in temple grounds? Why did Christ drive out the businesses that were taking place in temple grounds. Why did he say to them, “My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations'? But you have made it 'a den of robbers.'"

If a church is just a building that can be anything, anywhere, however; if the externalities of church are of no value, then why was Jesus so cheesed off by those selling at the temple? After all, prayers and teaching were still taking place in the temple. What caused Jesus to become irate and chase the people out?

It is because Jesus himself preached the holiness of the physical temple. Because Jesus himself taught that the externalities are a reflection of the internalities. And such, there is substantial investment that goes into the building of a church, because it is a reflection of God’s presence in the world. The Church, is a place where God truly comes to be present in times of worship. During Mass, for the Catholics, the bread is truly transformed into the flesh of Christ, meaning the church is a place where Christ’s Real Presence comes to be. The physical church is a reflection of God’s presence on earth. How then, can a church be left to look like a shack or an empty building with no reflection of God’s glory and beauty?

After all, all riches come from God (when earned righteously). Do you not think that the same God would provide for the building of the church just as He would provide for the feeding of the poor? It is when we become self-directed/self-centred that we begin to think that feeding the poor supersedes the glorification of God. And although externally this may seem right, it is not. Why? Because then, we still put the focus on ourselves, on our Doing, on our might. What can I DO for the poor? Instead of focusing on BEing with God, and allowing Him to work through us, we put the focus on ourselves. Good actions without spiritual directions are empty activism and that is not what God is calling Christians to be.

Of course, God is not saying, ignore the poor. There is no way one can put all the focus on God, and consciously end up neglecting the poor, the marginalised neighbours around. If that happens, one probably has an impaired and distorted relationship with God. God calls us to relationship with Him, so that we can learn to have a relationship with those around us, and treat those around us in accordance to the value bestowed on them. It is not so much about having a good relationship with others, so that we can have a good relationship with God. On the other hand, the contrary is more true.

The Catholic Church very well known for her beautiful, huge churches is also the largest charitable organisation in the WORLD (all contributions collectively) (Reference: http://pseudo01.hddn.com/vod/cchvideo.catholicscomehom2/pdf/Epic_proof.pdf).

The Church has built numerous hospitals, orphanages, schools and colleges always known for quality. How then can one claim that the Church has built huge churches but failed to feed the poor?

This young rapper said,

“See, the problem with religion is it never gets to the core

It’s just behavior modification, like a long list of chores”


Did Christ come and say that there will be no longer rules governing people? Did He say that there will be no expectations from those who profess their belief in Him? What exactly are chores? Chores are everyday tasks that may sometimes be unpleasant and yet is necessary.


Religion is not a long list of chores, but it definitely includes expectations. Christ did many times preach on what is expected of Christians, his followers.


That we are to forgive infinitely,

that we are to love our neighbour as we love ourselves,

that we are to go, sell everything we have, give it to the poor, and follow Him,

that we are to cut our hands or legs off if it stands in our way to the kingdom of heaven,

that we are to repent of our sins and return to God’s love,

that what God has bound we are not to divide,

that we are to die for our family and friends,

that we are to eat His flesh and drink His blood.

Christ did give us a long list of ‘chores’, for the lack of a better word, to follow. How do we respond to that?


If we are looking for a ‘religion’ with no restriction, where everything goes, where everyone can do whatever they want to do, where everyone can be whatever they want to be and not face consequences for those choices, I am sorry to tell you that Christianity is not what you are looking for.

If you think Christ came to promote a lifestyle of inconsequential freedom, then you have been mislead. True freedom comes with ‘abiding’ or ‘attuning’ yourself to God’s will. The consequence of inconsequential freedom is unfulfillment and degradation of the human understanding of self-value.


I can go on and respond to everything that the young rapper said. However, that would mean that this post will be too long (much longer than it already is) and fail to get the message across.


The point at the end of the day, is to listen to messages and carefully and critically examine them using our sound reasoning (which were formed by many years of RELIGIOUS education) complemented with the teachings of the Church guided by the Holy Spirit, before accepting them to be true and propagating them. It is about being aware that a message that relays a convenient faith does not necessarily hold truth, and a message that relays an inconvenient faith is not necessarily false.


In life, we are to seek what is Right, what is Truth and not seek to be Right, or to be True.

Only then, will we be able to follow the directions of Truth, which at the end of the day, is not a thing to know but a Person.

Danielle

2011 has been a monumental year. To think again, 2009 to 2011 has been phenomenal and is definitely a year of exponential growth. I feel like I have changed 360°. I’ve learnt so much about so many things, that I can never share them all because there’s just too many and not all may be relevant to everyone. Never has my mind and thoughts been so clear, so grounded, so sure. Sure not because I know what is coming, but sure because I know it is in the hand of God, who bring good out of all that happens.

2011 has been a year of learning to trust, to let go, to love, and to fall.

It’s been a year of never ending blessing. A year of dependency on God, a year of letting go of insecurities. It's the year that I finally learned to let fear be subordinated to Love and not vice versa.

It’s the year that this meagre girl with no extraordinary background traversed to 5 countries (Singapore, Hong Kong, Macau, Australia and New Zealand).

It’s the year that God taught me to trust him in a way I never imagined I could. It’s a year where my understanding and knowledge of God grew beyond anything I could anticipate.

A year of perfection in all its imperfection.

Couldn’t have asked for more, but at the same time, I know tomorrow holds so much more, and as usual, something beyond my imagination, for which i look forward to.

Lord, 2012 is entirely in your hands too. :)

Danielle
Wait until you are satisfied, fulfilled,
and content with being loved by Me alone,
with giving yourself totally,
unreservedly to Me alone.

I love you, my child.
But until you discover that
only in Me is your satisfaction to be found,
you will not be capable of the perfect
human relationship that I have planned for you.

You will never be united with another as you desired to be
until you are united with Me,
exclusively of anyone or anything else,
exclusively of any other desires and belongings.

I want you to stop planning and stop wishing,
and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan that exists
one that you can't imagine.
I want you to have the very best.
Please allow me to bring it you to.

Just keep your eyes on Me,
expecting the greatest things.
Keep experiencing that satisfaction knowing that I Am.
Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you.
You must be patient.

Don't be anxious. Don't worry.
Don't look around at the things others have.
Dont look at the things you think you want.
Just keep looking to Me,
or you'll miss what I want to give you.

And then when you are ready...
until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me
& the life I have prepared for you,
you won't be able to experience the love that
exemplifies your relationship with Me...
& this is perfect love.
Danielle
Lust. Indeed it is an intriguing element. I was intrigued by the attraction lust has on people.

One could love someone, and yet the desire to lust after that person, or another is still there.

Sometimes, I wonder if love is fighting a losing battle against lust, since it seems as if lust is winning in more instances than love.

Marriages built on love, break because of affairs that begin in lust. Sometimes, we want love but at the same time, we want to keep lust at the side.

I, once asked my friend, what was the difference between lust and passion. And he didn’t know.

I guess that might explain (a little) why lust is the choice. Perhaps most of us do not even really know what lust is and its nature.

Lust can attract even the kindest of soul.

I know that despite having understood the nature of lust, the consequences, the ugliness, the sinfulness, it can still appear to be rather attractive even to me. And it is for this very fact, I wanted to examine it more closely. This sinful nature, which despite it ugliness, yet appears attractive.

What is it about lust that is so attractive, that many of us either indulge in it some way, or are trapped in it, enchained by an addiction to it, destroyed by it, or some of us are so engulfed by it that has become a second nature to us?

When we hear the word ‘Lust’, some of us may think of sexual urge. I know that I did. I used to think that sexual urge equalled to lust. Here’s the big news.

Sexual urge is NOT lust.

Sexual urge is a naturally present desire, element whose end will be union of two flesh to become one. Sexual urge is a gift that has a unitive and procreative end. Without sexual urge, the union of two persons to become one, and to give of themselves wholly and fully to the other cannot be possible. Procreation will not be possible. So, let’s remember this. Sexual urge is NOT lust, it is not sinful. It is a gift that has a greater end in the mind.

But just like any other gift we have, it can be used for good, for its rightful purpose or it can be used for bad, for wrong purposes. What we do with sexual urge determines the final outcome.

Lust is an outcome of sexual urge that is not mastered according to human will, reason and dignity. Lust is when sexual urge is misused or is treated like an animal instinct (which it is not since it has been given to humans).

Lust is basically any act (mental, physical, emotional) in which a human person, or his body parts are used merely as an object for gratification. Lust is using someone as a means to an end, in most cases, the end is pleasure. Lust is when sexual urge is misused out of its natural context for selfish indulgences.


Love is when the person is the end, and sex is a means used to achieve union with that person as the end. Sex is an expression of love, in which two individuals committed to each other, bound by marriage, choose to give of themselves to each other wholly, and are open to bearing fruit through that union in the form of children.

Despite knowing all this, despite understanding the selfish, destructive nature of lust, something about it attracts even me and that is why I decided to analyse it, to break it down.

As I thought about it, I recognised a light pattern.

I know that the first time I ever watched porn (yes, I’ve watched porn. Wished I didn’t but I did.), it was partially out of curiosity to know the nature of the content of this genre of video that everyone was talking about, but I also realised it was after a heart-break, a painful rejection that I was most curious about porn. That itself pointed me to a better understanding on lust.

Lust becomes attractive when Love seems too far away, unattainable or too difficult. When Love seemed unfair or painful, Lust becomes an attractive option. Lust had the capability to temporarily numb the pain that Love can cause. That is because Lust is devoid of Love.

Lust was capable of numbing the pain caused by Love because Lust desecrates Love, strips it down of its original purity and dignity, and humiliates it.

Have you ever experienced a moment when someone hurts you, and you were so filled with pain and anger that you wanted to inflict pain back on the person? That’s what Lust does to Love.

When I felt that Love was being unfair to me, and caused me incessant hurts, Lust became an attractive option for revenge on Love. Since no matter how hard I tried to love right, Love has found me unworthy of itself, I wanted to hurt Love by choosing Lust, it’s enemy, it’s total opposite. Lust is everything Love fights against. What better way to hurt Love than through Lust?

One resorts to Lust when one gives up on Love. One resorts to Lust when Love poses too much risk, requires too much effort, too much giving of self. One resorts to Lust when we are convinced that self-centredness is a justifiable self-preservation method.

Lust is the easier, safer option. It revolves more around my satisfaction. In Lust, I might not even need the other person, that’s where masturbation becomes an option. With Lust, self-sufficiency is possible. It gives one the delusion of safety from pains and hurts.

What we don’t realise is that Lust is the counterfeit that can only offer temporary gratification and distraction from our hearts deepest desires, but it can never fulfil it. Lust is what we settle for when we’re deceived into thinking that we are not worthy of Love. But at the end of the day, the heart’s deepest desire will always be Love. Always. Because we were created by Love, in Love and for Love. And nothing else can give us the fulfilment we’re looking for, than Love.

It was these realisations and God’s abundant grace that gives me the determination to always, always, always try to choose Love over Lust in all situations, regardless of how tempting the situation may be.

Love will always be the first, and only true love. Lust can only be the imperfect compromise, the counterfeit.


Lord, show us the way back to Love, when Lust blinds us. Amen.