Danielle
Rohene – 2001Well, she seemed rather nerdy when I first saw her in the year 1999. She wore knee length socks. It maybe fashion these days but back then, it made her seem really nerdy and goody-two-shoe.Then, when I got to know her in 2000, she seemed rather stoic, practical, don’t mess with me kind. I wasn’t afraid of her but didn’t really feel like having somebody with that sort of aura around me, then.
In 2001, I learned that she was rather funny and witty, through our waktu-rehat hang out time. She was fun to be with. So, there our friendship began. We had fun making fun of teachers we didn’t really like.By 2002, we were pretty much close because we were in the same group of friends and ending up in the same class only made things worse, as we cracked up pretty often, skipping classes we found boring, using the same-old-lame excuse of ‘Got prefects’ duty’. Haha.She was quite distant from people even then. Weirdly though, I cared for her for reasons I couldn’t explain. When she was bumped up about a Physics SPM trial exam, and another friend said something really wrong that made her cry again, I got pissed and just told her to leave and not to come back to this area for a while. When I think about it now, I know I could have handled it better, but at that point, I hated my friend’s lack of sensitivity to Rohene’s clear disappointment. It was weird caring for someone you didn’t know all too well.
Form 6 – same class and we were 4 sekawan – rohene, muna, aggie and I. Somehow, there was an innate awareness in each of us to support each other in whatever way possible throughout this 2 years cause we knew it’s not going to be easy. Now, she’s a grown woman...Really. She expresses herself better, curses a lot more than she ever did, learned to trust people better, learned to slowly let go of her ego, her amazing, analytical mind has only expanded, she’s a critical analyst of the political system in not just the government, but in the universities and schools. She understands the problem, better identifies them and therefore can better provide possible suggestions. She no longer thinks the best way to live her adult life is alone in a rented house. Her view of life has evolved. Nothing surprising, I know... but to be able to witness that change is a pretty amazing experience.Sounds like an amazing person? Yes, she is. 2 amazing friends down. Many more to go.Every friend is a part of me, that I am proud of.
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Danielle
Sim mei, Remember how I told you that I’d like to write a thank you note to my close friends and what they mean to me and keep it safely somewhere, then when I die, I’d like it to be given to those ppl....Well, this is not that...But it’s somewhat related...It’s about some people in my life, right now, that have an impact in my life, people who I treasure, and thank for their presence...so, this is the beginning of a series of interesting journey of mine with interesting people...In order of when I got to know them...
Muna – Year 2000Muna has been an instrumental person who challenged me to be the best kind of person I can be. She had a beautiful mind with beautiful opinions. She depicted originality, honesty, and strength. Her mom was Indian Christian who converted to Islam, prior to marrying a Muslim, her soon-to-be father. Both her parents divorced later when she was about 9 years old. She grew up learning to adapt to people and environment and became really good in fitting in. Despite struggles, she grew up to become a very opinionated woman, who fought for what she believed in, even in school. Dirty toilets, unfair rules, student apathy. Me, being rather a passive person who preferred the peaceful, democratic way to solve issues, I always viewed confrontation and discussion with the higher authority to be rather futile. I preferred to do what I can in my power to change things, without having to go to the authorities. But Muna taught me to be courageous to ask for what we deserved, that others may benefit too. Because of her and through her, I became involved in many community projects, through which I learned and grew tremendously. She was the 1st person I discussed issue of marriage, meaning of life and reason we live with openly. She was also the person I went jalan-jalan cari makan trips most often with... quite intuitively... after school... she was one of the person that I would crack up with laughing for no absolute reason. She was fellow debater, with whom our team won the State Cup after many years of losing. We boldly chose to do Form 6 together, suffered in it together and did many craze things through the year, to make sure we remembered it to be more than just about books. We got lost in the jungle together, temporarily lost our sanity and vowed to do it again, someday later. Now, I see her only once a year as she studies in UK. But that one day seems really worthwhile. I don’t really sense a distance between us, though we aren’t too good at keeping in touch. I love her and I love the way we are different in character and yet very much relate to each other. I love her presence in my life and I know she’s here to stay, even if I only get to see once a year. I don’t know how long, both of us are going to live. I guess, that wouldn’t really matter... Especially not with someone I could be pretty transparent with, without having to fear what she’ll think...
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Danielle
Imagine…If it was a Friday night, on a weekend where 100% of your close friends have either gone home or have something better to do, you fall sick with gastritis, excruciating pain and you have run out of your medicine supply…What do you do?You curl up in your bed and the pain doesn’t seem to go away…You know if you fall asleep, you’ll probably won’t feel a thing…But despite that, falling asleep is not want you seem to want…You just wished that if only someone, anyone was close enough to you that they’ll come to see you or be with you when you’re not feeling your best… Someone who would get you some hot drinks and some medicine and make you feel that you’re not at all, alone even if you’re far from home and family… cuz they’ll be there as your family…You badly wished someone would call or msg to see if you’re doing fine…You think of the people you want to call or msg to let them know that you’re not feeling too well, and a few names pop up but you couldn’t find the courage to let them know because another part of you is telling you that your actions are meaningless, because you know they’re not going to come down to visit you because you know they’re already home and you’re only going to disturb them, some part of you tell you that you’re only to going to get their sympathy and they might care because they have to, now that they know… You don’t want sympathy but just people who care genuinely, So you struggle to decide to tell or not to tell…And you fell asleep thinking…You wake the next morning and the pain due to gastritis is gone but you still wonder, will there be someone that you can call without going through the thought process you went through the night before…That was me...Yesterday...
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Danielle
Today was his birthday. And we all threw him a big and the best kind of party that we could think of because we loved who he is and wanted to celebrate this amazing kind soul’s 21 years of LIVING. It was an amazing celebration, not because of how many people turned up but who turned up. It was a gathering of a huge family, close knitted, warm hearted family.Everytime a big and meaningful celebration such as this happens, when everyone is joyous and excited and happy and so enthusiastic with the celebration, i noticed that i have a tendency to be quieter, more observant and tend to withdraw myself from the crowd. Today i understood why i respond in that manner.Everytime, something so perfect and meaningful happens, the first thought to cross my mind was always, “How long will this last?”. Being a sceptic to the word permanent, i never really believed that anything in this world was ever permanent. My subconscious mind believes all things, the little families you make for yourself, the friendships, the effort, everything comes to an end, eventually.
I guess it was for this reason that i was somewhat obsessed with carpe diem, live for TODAY. Because i never really believed in tomorrow. And i guess, i fear, dread, that day when things change, when people who mean the world to you no longer do, when the connection shared with some special friends are lost, when dynamics of a relationship/friendship change, when everything that is left is mere memory.I dread that day. I dread the day when he and i aren’t as close as we are, dread the day when everyone would have a family for themself that they wouldn’t need this family anymore, dread when priorities will change and i will no longer be part of it. Sounds selfish? I’m sorry.I really pray that i am wrong because if i am not, i know i would be extremely nostalgic if not hurt, just thinking of these people and the moments we shared.
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Danielle
Last week in Advance Molecular Biology class, we learned about the Alzheimer’s disease.Honestly, I found Alzheimer’s disease extremely fascinating. A thought many of my friends found troubling as they felt pity and sad for people with the disease whereas I found them to be extremely fascinating.In lay man’s term, Alzheimer’s is a disease that often affects the older generation. A person with Azheimer’s usually experiences short term memory loss, where the individual can remember his/her past eg 20 years back but cannot seem to recall his/her recent present incidences.For example, an Alzheimer’s patient may remember his 20 year old son as his 5 year old little boy as he can only recall memory from 15 years back. Well, he may not even remember his wife as he may be only able to remember his life when he was 15 years old.Being someone who never really believed in coincidences, I wondered what is it that God was trying to tell by the existence of such a disease. A disease that doesn’t allow you to remember your present but only your past.I’ve always believed that every thing, be it a disease, the sky, the rainbow, your enemies, every little element in the world is some sort of a manifestation of God’s message.To me, Alzheimer was telling me to appreciate your present, today, as you may not even remember it tomorrow. Everyday is for LIVING. So, live it without regrets. Appreciate every simple person in life and tell them what you feel about them, because tomorrow you may not even remember them.Sometimes, I wondered if I was too impulsive, too bold, for I always feel a need to tell others how I feel about them, especially if it’s something positive. Sometimes, I wondered if it’s necessary. I mean why the need to tell others how you feel about them? You can show it in your actions, right? Then why, do I feel a strong urge to tell people that I really appreciate the little things they do for me.Because as much as actions seems to be strong enough, but words clarify, reinstate and consolidate. Words require courage because it involves direct confession or acknowledgement about how you truly feel.And life is too short to be living it for tomorrow. So, I chose to live it for TODAY.
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Danielle
1. I dreamt that Lex Luthor of Smallville (Michael Rosenbaum) and I were truly, madly, deeply in love... That was really weird, since i've never dreamt of celebrities. I had no idea i fancied him that much... Power of the subconcious mind.. reveals a lot in your dreams...2. I dreamt that i was in a duel with the Satan/The Evil One/The Villain (i'm not really sure who he was...i just know he was bad) using a fork... i was using my mind to control the fork and keep it pointed at the 'Bad Guy' by repeating Jesus' name... WEIRD!!3. My friends and i got lost in the jungle... for nearly 8 hours... guess how or why we came out alive??! Cuz i was 'smart' enough not to tell them how risky was the alternative 'way' we decided to try...when i say risky, i mean life-threatening risky... you can ask me more when you see me..4. I find plump people with tummies, especially guys, extremely adorable!!! i would love to date one... like kevin james in Hitch..5. I love walking in the rain.... with an umbrella....i mean i seriously enjoy walking in the rain...but with an umbrella...6. i think in English but i dream in Tamil... Weirdo!!7. i love meeting my friends' family... mom, dad, grandma, sis, bro...everybody.... WEIRD!! Again..8. i find geekyness, insecurities, lack of confidence, fears all EXTREMELY attractive... i love people like that... dunno why...9. i love to see guys cry... i respect those guys more...because they aren't afraid to show they've got emotions!!10. i love leaving in a kampung despite all its inadequacy... i can't understand why.... but i love leaving in inadequacy...
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Danielle
Tagged by Amy Chuah!!!
hehehe
haven't done this in a while, but this is a good opportunity to reflect actually..
8 things I'm passionate about :1) Underprivileged people, kids especially!!2) Family & Friends3) Living my life4) Making a difference in the life of others5) LOVE!! All kinds of it... Eros, Agape, Philly6) Food!! Good food cooked with intricate details... Hehehehe7) Travelling to pretty places like Korea or artsy fartsy places like Venice8) About understanding complicated, mysterious personalities that wear masks8 things I say too often :1) Interesting....2) Forget it lar3) I don't really care4) Have you watched .....5) He's SOOOOO cute!!!6) Weird7) Betoi Ka?8) Mangkuk!!8 books I've read recently :1) How to be Good2) PS I Love You3) Recently definitely doesn't include anything more than a year ago...so, those two was all i read...8 songs I could listen to over and over again :1) Kekasih Gelapku - Ungu2) Sempurna - Gita Gutawa3) Save me from myself - Christina Aguilera4) Always be my baby - David Cook5) Love me Tender - David Archuleta6) Blower's Daughter - Damien Rice7) Jag Soona Soona Lage - Om Shanti Om8) Jaane Kyon - Dil Chahta Hai8 things I learnt for the past year :1) Dare to do all the things that you ever dreamed of2) Believe first and the rest will follow suit3) I'm beautiful beyond description even if some idiots can't see it4) There's always a rainbow at the end of it, even if it'll be hard to believe so initially5) Be happy and be confident to be who i am... I am super special and not recognising that would be a real disgrace to my father...who art in heaven...6) That i can love in ways i could never imagine and i can overcome things that i never thought i could7) LOVE shouldn't be viewed is a restricted box... Live free and enjoy life... Love in the simple ways i can without being restricted by insecurities... No big deal if they don't love you back..8) No matter how independent i am, i can't live without my family... and friends...
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