He said again, ‘1,2,3, Jump!’ I looked at him and was almost pleading, ‘I don’t know how to jump. How do I jump? Can you just push me?’ He looked at me and said, ‘I can’t push you. It’s your choice to jump.’ ‘Okay, I don’t know how to jump, but I’m going to do what I can.’ It may have seemed that I was trying to climb down the edge. And then, I fell. I screamed my lungs out. I was falling down. I could see the world, everything was upside down. My screaming ceased and then, I was just enjoying the fall. I hit the water and then I got pulled back up. And then I fell again. Got pulled back up again. This repeated a few times before it stopped. Then I was just hanging there, upside down, with only a string holding my leg. A man, came to me in a boat, smiled at me, and asked, ‘Are you ok?’

I felt this great deep sense of joy and peace in my heart. I was hanging upside down and smiling my heart out. I couldn’t speak but I was overwhelmed with love and joy. I just smiled, all the way through after that. That was my bungee jumping experience. My first ever bungee jumping. I’ve always wanted to bungee jump but I never thought Malaysia will ever have it. When Sunway Lagoon had it, I knew I had to do it.

It was more than simply adrenaline rush. It was about the freedom that comes when we break free from of all the insecurities and just trust. As I was standing at the edge, I did consider backing out, justifying my decision to be logical and rational. As I was falling, I did consider the safety gear snapping, and me heading towards death. As I was hanging upside down for the man to come and get me, I did wonder if the rope will snap and I will fall and drown to death. I did consider all these possibilities. I thought of all the things that can go awfully wrong but at the end of the day, I just left it to God. I just said, ‘Lord, I trust you. Let’s just rock this.’ And the outcome: perfection and a breath of fresh air. It was liberating, joyful, and centred. I can’t quite put them in words that would do it justice.

The experience reminded me of what Brian Butler shared about the difference in his two children. There was the elder daughter who trusted the father, confident that the father will catch her when he throws her up. She enjoyed herself. As the father threw her up into the sky, she would attempt different poses, stretching out. She was not afraid to take risks and push boundaries, broke free from inhibitions and discovered new talents and opportunities. Then, there was the younger son, who feared that the father will drop him as he throws him up. He experienced the other end of the bargain. He clenched himself and pulled himself together as a 'safety precaution'. As a result, he was unable to try anything new, was fearful and did not enjoy the throw. Neither has he yet to explore the many possibilities stored in himself.

Simply put, the fruit of trust in God, especially in situations in which a clear positive outcome cannot be seen, in situations where the risk seems too big, in situations where things may no longer be in our control, would be ultimate liberation, joy, freedom and growth in faith in God as we come to discover that there is no way on heaven or earth that He will not catch you. All we need to do is invite Him into our lives.

And the fruit of distrust in God, is a lethargic life lived with insecurities and fear, a life of routine in which we exert our full control over all parameters accessible to us, failing to grow in faith as we do not give ourselves a chance to experience God’s power and grace, a life in which we fail to discover the many hidden potential and possibilities in our lives, which God is offering us.

Thank You God for being active and present in my life. Thank You for experiences that show me time and again that You are real and involved and the most Beautiful thing that has happened in my life.

Food for thought:

2 Cor 12:9: My grace is enough for you. For my power is made perfect in your weakness.
Freedom comes not with the ability to control the parameters present in our lives, but in the ability to let go of the grasp and let God lead.

There's only one thing to lose when we step out in faith... our insecurities...

And so we try very hard to pursue these subjects, believing that they will fill up the void. When it doesn’t, then we conclude that, perhaps we picked the wrong subject, and we move on to the next one, convinced that this time, this subject will give us the fulfilment we desire or are looking for.

I find it interesting that it is easier to believe that our lives may be intertwined with a another human person, who will supposedly make us whole, complete us, be the other half, that he/she may have been predestined for us, but yet so much harder to believe that the God who created us in His image and likeness, the God who breathed life into us would have an intricate relationship with us at the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level.

For those of us who have read the Harry Potter series, we may remember that Voldemort split his life into different Horcruxes and to these Horcruxes he was intrinsically and extrinsically related. That when one of his horcruxes dies, a part of his soul dies too.

Imagine then, how our relationship with God, the Creator would be. Even without confining God to a physical entity, the simple fact that our lives come from God, would indicate a great intrinsic and extrinsic relationship with Him, a relationship, which human wisdom or understanding cannot fully explain. To confine or limit the understanding of The Truth to human mind, would then be foolishness and ignorance.

As my life comes from my Creator, the creation of my being comes from Him, then how much more will my spirit be intrinsically and extrinsically related to Him? It seems almost impossible for me not to acknowledge that the void within me, is then, the longing and desire for the other half, the one to whom my life is intertwined with from the beginning, My God and Creator.

Recently, my mind was opened to a beautiful Truth through TOB. That my desire to love a man, or even just a person in general, is actually God calling me to love Him. Let me try to explain.

God loves us. However, as humans, we find that very hard to grasp simply because God’s love is not a visible element. And so, God creates man for woman, and woman for man, so that the invisible form of His love can be made visible.

And so, God in His loving kindness came to see our limitations, and in return, made it possible for us to see His love through another.

So, woman sees man, is attracted to man. But what actually attracts woman to man, is the god-likeness and the presence of God shining through man, calling woman to man. And this applies vice versa.

God is the divine attraction behind every human person. It is His presence in that person that invites us to him (or Him). Attraction is the commitment to think of a person as something good. And so, the attraction towards the individual is towards the good we see in him/her. Since God is the source of all good, then we are attracted to God through that person, and not to the person alone. God’s light, purity, and love shines through the person inviting me to love God through him (the person). I don’t see God, neither do I see the physical action of His love, but the presence of another human, the opportunity to love him/her makes the invisible love of God visible to my limited vision.

It overwhelms me that God makes such channels possible so, that I may better see, grasp and in return accept His love for me. And in return I love Him through the people around me. When I just dwell on that Truth, I am filled with love and awe for the One who made me. And I am determined to love Him, to the best of my abilities.

Sometimes, we think so hard about God's purpose in our lives. Sometimes, it is that simple. To love and to receive Love. To love God through those around me, and in return allow God to love me, through those around me, and through His direct presence.

Perhaps, when we truly grasp this, then we will treat those around us, with the kind of Love and Respect, we would actually treat God with. Perhaps when we truly grasp this, then we will be reminded of our true purpose and destination, that our peace, belonging, completion lies in God, and not in mere human. Perhaps, when we truly grasp this, we will understand that although God calls us to love Man, above that, He calls us to love Him through that Man, another creation, the another part of the Body of Christ.

If I had to describe my experience in Singapore, undergoing TOB formation ("what TOB?" you may ask. Read on and you’ll see what it is about) for leaders in one word, then I would say ‘Beautiful’. Even then, I am utterly aware and convinced that such a word fails miserably to describe the journey of not just loving God but to also know Him and His plans in a greater depth and wider perspective.

So here’s an article inspired by one of the learning from TOB.

I read the papers these days and the concurring theme has been the smearing of human dignity (Uh? Some may ask. Follow on and you’ll see what I’m talking about). Abortion, murder, rape, violence! Just the mention of these words brings back to my mind the many news and stories in which humans have suffered incredibly due to the action of another human.

What can drive someone to act in such cruelty, hatred and disrespect to another human?
I asked myself this question so very often, and I was disheartened and perplexed because I couldn’t find the answer. My mind was unable to grasp a reason rational enough to explain how one human can chop up the body of another human and pack him up, or how another human can slit the throat of a 13-year-old and leave him to bleed to death in his bed, how can one leave the body of a precious innocent child dead and in the trash. All these baffled me until my eyes were opened to see that perhaps these incidents are rooted in the fact that we are failing or sometimes, forgetting to recognise the dignity of our fellow human brother/sister.

If you take some quiet time to really think about it, you might come to realise that deep within our core, there is this knowledge that recognises the dignity within ourselves and those around us. If we contemplate on it, there is this understanding within ourselves that we are a special and dignified creation of God, a knowing that was not taught or instilled by anyone but one that was already engraved in our souls as we entered the world. The spirit is aware of so many more things than the mind is, and without getting in touch with that spirit, we may miss many of the mysteries of our origin, our presence and our intended future.

Recognising the dignity within ourselves and those around us. How would that look like?

How that would look like is, me looking at myself and others, seeing us in the totality we were created in. I see the spirit that resides within others, the same spirit that also resides within me, making us brethrens despite of our cultural differences. That we are connected through our origins.

Recognising the dignity of the person would mean that I see them in the same Love God created them in, the effort He put in defining every being of their person and I recognise the gift of God’s love that they are offering me through the existence of their human person. To recognise the dignity of the human person would mean that I recognise the God in them and His love that is reflected through them.

It also means that I do not view them in parts (as pornography does). I am not to divorce the spirit from its body and view the human person as just a body. I am not to divorce the mind from its body and view the person as only a mind or a body. I am able to recognise the dignity and beauty of a human person only when I view them in totality of the three elements and maybe even more. I am not to look at a man or a woman as simply being assets. I am not to view a man or woman only by his body parts. The saddest would be when I fail to view my own self in the dignity I was created in, when I start to view my own self in parts or as assets. Similarly, the greatest tragedy for me would be when those around me, fail to recognise the dignity within their own self. This can be reflected from what we think of ourselves, how we dress, how we treat our body etc.

Perhaps, some of us may defend ourselves and say, ‘Hey, I’m just appreciating physical beauty’.
Beauty is viewed in the totality of the person. We recognise physical beauty by also recognising the inner beauty that shines within it.

‘Hey, just because I view pornography or divorce the spirit, mind and body of the person from each other, doesn’t mean I’ll become a rapist or a murderer’.
I start small, it’ll end big. A habit starts with one small action, then it increases in frequency, then it becomes an addiction, perhaps even part of the character. Furthermore, the society experience the additive effect of all our characters and choices put together. I contribute 20 marks of sin, another may contribute 60 marks of sin, another perhaps 5 marks of sin, another 100 marks of sin. At the end of the day, there is still 185 marks worth of sin lingering in the world, affecting it as a whole. Everything I do contribute not only to how it affects me but also to how it affects everyone else on earth. Every single human person on earth is connected to the other as we belong to One body of God, created in His image and likeness. How then, can my actions be divorced from affecting the others who belong to the Body?

‘Hey, I’m far better than many other people. I don’t do the extreme things. I may judge someone solely based on their body, but I’m not sleeping around, or disrespecting persons in my speech or my actions’.
What makes me good is not that I am better than another but that I am good. It is an objective matter, not subjective or relative. Besides, disrespecting someone is not just confined to our speech or actions, it also extends to our thoughts. I can disrespect someone by the kind of thoughts and images I have of them. When I lust after someone, even for a split second, viewing them as an object to satisfy my desires, I disrespect the person and the dignity within them.

‘This is a nonsensical, idealistic and condemning message or belief.’

It is nonsensical? No, it’s not. It makes perfect sense. Think about it. Honestly.

Idealistic? Yes, it is. Realistically idealistic. Possible in every sense of its word. I am not saying it is easy. No one said it is going to be easy. The best things in life come with a lot of hardwork, except perhaps the Love of God for us.

Condemning? No. This is where most of us can be wrong. Such a message and calling is not here to condemn us and subject us to hell. It is a message of hope, reminding us of who we really are and how we are called to recognise and practise that here on earth. It is a message of Love from the Creator, who recognises the diamond we are, albeit being covered by mud and dirt, to allow Him to clean and shape us into that diamond.

So, dear fellow human brethrens, Hear the calling. Recognise your Dignity. And the Dignity of those around you.

Lord, thank you for the opportunity to have a glimpse of Your greater calling for us, humans. :)

*Footnote: TOB refers to the Theology of the Body, writings of Pope John Paul II, that talks about the mysteries of God’s plan that can be revealed through the human body.

Today a good friend of mine brought tears to my eyes (in a good way).

I’ve known him for about 4 years now and I must say he may not have been the closest of my friend, whom I shared a lot with, but he was one of those friends I loved and respected just because.

Today, he went out of his way to come to my rescue. He really didn’t have to but he did. He didn’t even think twice about it. I don’t know what I do to deserve such good friends but I am so grateful that I have an opportunity of their friendship in my life.

He’s a very simple guy, but he’s got a heart of an angel. One of the most selfless people I have met, really. I think in today's competitive world of individualistic nature, finding good people seems a feat but here is one that is unreasonably selfless.

Let me tell you that this friend of mine is a Malay guy and I am so blessed to have him as a friend. Thank you for making so much of a difference and for being my friend, Raja Zyroul Hisyam.